My friend posted something very true.
My friend, Fiona, she was from Hong Kong and transferred here sometime at the end of Freshman year. She basically ruined one of my old bestfriend's life by becoming valedictorian, it was more the fact that she so easily made it there when my friend fought for it until she gave up.
Fuck, sorry, I still get angry when I think about how her life has panned out.
Anyways, She posted that she basically just wasted 4 years of high school studying.
She's going to study art. She's an artist, and she's bloody good. But, jeez.
She's right, she could have just partied through high school.
I'm going to become a music educator. I could easily lie about my past. If I had known. I would have throuwn all my efforts to music and ignored my AP and gone for purely regular and skipping, partying.
God, man. This sucks. All the torture I went through, for nothing. For me to just go into the one thing I always held true but from arms reach.
I fuck. All the stuff I could have done, how much better I could be. But nope. School was always a priority. It shouldn't have been, I mean yeah education great! But differentiation and integration not really a factor of my life anymore. Who John Jay was and Tippecanoe.
None of that matters. What a bummer. If you ask me what I did when I was in high school?
I was in band. I had mostly all AP classes. I studied, I played, I was on the computer a lot.
I had no life. I have no life. It still all goes to studying.
I wish I knew what life had in store for me, if I even serve a purpose here.
What's the point in life if I have no purpose, if I serve no purpose.
I don't believe in a God or deity. I probably should, but I don't, I have to see the apocalyptic hell that is for told in the Revelations part of the bible before I do though.
I do have faith though. Before I didn't. When I stopped believing in God I had lost my faith months before. I lost hold of all that I was surrounded by. But only through years of pain and suffering did I see that you have to have faith in things. Maybe not a God, but faith that good things will happen.
I don't know why I believe in that now, but I do.
I regained faith.
Now you probably think, oh she's just talking about God or the universe or whatever the fuck she believes in. But no. I really had no faith. I didn't have faith that I would do good, I didn't have faith that I would survive, I didn't have faith that I would succeed in life, I didn't have faith in my friends, I didn't have faith in my family, I didn't even have faith in myself, but now I do.
I do believe that good things will come, I do have faith that things do get better, I do have faith in everything... well, not everything, but you know. I have faith now.
It's kind of really hard when you're a die hard pessimist, but life's much less fun when you don't have faith.
The word 'faith' probably holds no meaning anymore after that. The word doesn't mean too much to me after writing that, but the feeling the actual event is still true to me.
It's fucking weird.
I finished watching Buffy like 5 minutes ago, before I started that faith rant.
I kinda liked the ending. I could have used another episode an epilogue, something, but whatever.
However, Kennedy (I believe) other than being very hot and being very lesbian, and being very sexed up with Willow, she wore suspenders in her 2nd to last outfit of the series.
Not JUST suspenders, the typical black pants with a white t-shirt with black suspenders.
Now, other than being STUPID stereotypical(they also did it with Thirteen in House all the time) I've never actually SEEN a real life lesbian/bisexual/likes girls girl wear suspenders. Let alone with a white t-shirt and black pants of some sort.
Now I'm not saying it's not attractive, because it is and a total dead give away to the fact your gay, but seriously t.v? A whole 6-8 years between shows and the only difference is that one's in black suspenders and the other is in brown suspenders.
I mean jeez.
Also, I am so rusty at my gaydar. I try not to notice people so I'm not as stupid observant as I was before, but now I just look at unimportant things to most people.
Like the way they hold themselves, their facial expressions, their face, their demeanor really.
Not really their clothes. Unless they really grab my attention. Like if their demeanor is perfect(in my eyes) I'll go straight for their body(like a horrible person XD). Like Kennedy(I think, I was only paying half attention considering I didn't want to get turned on so late in the morning.
Now, if I've explained this before, I'll do it again because I fending off sleep right now.
I find sex scenes REALLY awkward. Mostly because the pairing isn't right or really awkward.
Willow and Tara? Really awkward. Riley and Buffy, fucking awkward. Faith and Roy, really fucking awkward. Buffy and Spike, pretty good. Kennedy and Willow, pretty good.
And if it's a pretty good pairing I don't find it awkward and I just simply get aroused. Which I kind of like to avoid when it's a show about killing demons and such.
So Kennedy and Willow pretty hot. I found Kennedy hot when she first walked in, in her very early 2000's jacket.
And when I found out she was gay, well just more reason for me not to feel very bad looking at her. So she caught my eye needless to say.
I'm really pretty much rambling.
If you made it this far, kudos. I personally lost track of my point ages ago, but whatever.
Life sucks.
Moral of the story.
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