Confident emotions?!

I feel like I'm bipolar or going through some really mellow manic episodes, because my blog posts are so up and down. I'm not up or down. I don't really feel anything towards school. I love it, I'm learning, I tolerate the population and the course work. I should feel a lot, but I don't. Not even anxiety. Which is good for me, for my flute playing. When I play the flute, like really play it, I get into it. It's my safe place. Playing music is when everything else that is happening in the world gets forgotten. I concentrate on the words, the emotion, the story, the notes, the technique, the past, the future, the meaning, keeping myself restrained enough to still sound good, and always trying to improve. I don't have time to think about bitch face, or that I really like a probable straight girl, or that I have no friends I would run to in case of a mental break down. I mean, I never have, but I had a choice to before. I still do, but I don't have a friend I can physically go to right now. I don't have time for that when I am performing or rehearsing. I played Syrinx the other day in studio. It was the first time I had played it in ages so I made a lot of mistakes and my mental lapses and fighting against the flute but when I was done I had conveyed my emotion. It wasn't all the emotion I could give, because that is dedicated to when I actually get perform it. The first comment was from Em- she's the other flute music major, we have a sort of bond because she was my excel leader my freshman year and I am always next to her and in classes with her, and I see her enough for us not to hate each other. She was the first to say something and she was like I can't wait until you get a new flute, because that will sound amazing once you do. Then my adviser and teacher was like, I was about to say the same, because you sounded great playing this right now, but once you have a new flute you are going to exponentially get better. Which is true because I'm playing on a student flute and it's really easy to screw things up on student flutes because you can overblow really easily and it's hard to actually sound good. I'm also excited. The next and last comment I got was from our personal synesthsia girl, and if I sound good to her I feel like it is an honor. She didn't talk about my playing, maybe she did. But she liked how confident I looked while playing. When she said that, I stopped listening. I was not expecting that. I've never been told I looked confident while playing. Granted I'm not overwhelmed this year by my solo and I like it, and I understand the story. Solos with a story are always easy to play. Solos that have 99% negative emotions are really easy for me to play. I know how to do pain. Happiness not so much. It's hard for me. I know what piece I'm going to play for my senior recital. That one for sure. I don't even know what my recital topic will be, but Syrinx will fit. I will give up any other song for that one.