4 weeks ago I was here and I'm here 4 weeks later, well that's not depressing at all

Reasons I haven't posted in 4 weeks? College. I mean it is fucking ridiculous how many things I have to do and how many things I am making myself do because I hate seeing my roommate ever because she is a fucking asshole bitch. But enough on Bitch Face. I haven't had time to do this. The blogging because of it. I've thought about it but I haven't had time to. There is so much to tell you guys and my future self, but I can't be bothered to remember it's 9:22 and I skipped all my classes except choir on Thursday because I was too tired to function. I am still too tired. I don't knwo why. I'm going through a depression session, so maybe it's that. I generally have no friends at the moment. I have aquantices, but no actual friends. I am in the transition to becoming friends with my friend MaL-, but more on her later. I hav- on a distracted not I just got an email from Youtube Music. What the hell is that? What? Why am I a part of that. Whatever. But, yeah, I'm not really friends with anyone. I've completely drifted from Kati-, Tar-, and Julia- because I don't know why. They all live basically next to each other and all they do is hangout and talk. I do not. I live on the otherside of the building and I was left alone from the moment I got to campus. They might be a bit butt hurt by the fact that I didn't even bother to contact them when I got home or all summer. I don't do it. I don't really like texting, it gets annoying and I just didn't want people in my life this summer. It was my time to reevaluate, and I was happy. I think it is here. I think I'm unhappy here. I think that's the issue. I think this place makes me depressed. Maybe it's because I'm not with people who are like me. Who like anime, rock music, video games, youtube, gay, technology, and things like that. I know a few people, but no one who I'm friends with. I need to make a change. I think I could be happy here. Now, what I'm going to say next is by no means an excuse for not getting new friends. It is kind of just happening and I wanted the friendship. I am friends with her group though so, it's not on purpose. There is this girl. Mal-, so man. Okay, I like her. She is a cool kid and I like her. I met her last semester she was in the environmental group I'm in here. She was studying in Costa Rica my first semester so I didn't get to know her, I think I had heard of her, but I can't quite remember. So, I thought she was cool, she spoke spanish and came to spanish conversation tab;es and we talked, she was a cool kid and she knew a bunch of people I knew, so she had to be a cool kid. Near the end of the semester I "made" her go to the zombie movie night thing the honors house had and I "forced" her to stay and watch Shuan of the Dead, because she didn't like the movie. Which I personally think is an awesome movie. But, yeah, then I walked halfway to her dorm to my dorm after she refused my offer to walk her to her dorm. we were both tired, but I was wiling. Sometime after that I figured out that I did have a crush on her. This year I didn't really come with a mind set of I am going to try and figure her out and figure out if she likes girls or if she's okay with teh gays and stuff. I was just going to be her friend and stuff. Well, that changed. The first time I talked to her this semester. I'm making this story sound like I am with Mal, I'm not. Just to clarify if you thikn this story is going to end up with us happily ever after. I talked to her and I just was like, I want/need to know, yeah? I haven't tried to find out, I'm just trying to be her friend because I am really confused and I'm leaving it up to her. But man, I don't know why I am attracted to her, but I am. We are in that stage of a friendship where you are aquaintices that know they have a lot in common and get along but you can either become friends or you take the dating route. So, normally I'd be like, oh she's a straight girl so I can live with just being friends. But I don't know. Like I've said, I get really confused by some girls. y gaydar can be off. But with Mal, I don't know. I think signs show straight but I don't know. I'm pretty sure. But I don't know, because we should have moved on. We should be just friends now. That we hang and we talk about other things other than classes and such. Maybe we are there. Maybe she moves slowly with friends. I don't know. I am so confused! And, man. We went to this dinner thing and we both got there late, of course, I got there I few minutes before her. We were there and while we listened to the panel speak she was scratching her leg and either 'accidentally' or actually accidentally brushed my leg. Other than the fact that I got EXTREMELY turned on by her just brushing past me TWICE. Did I mention that? Hence the possible 'accidentally' time may have passed really slowly in my sense of time and space and really fast for her. But it felt like she lingered when she brushed past it the first time and a little longer when her hand made a come back. I didn't want to make it awkward, or for her to see what were probably my dilated pupils at the moment(seriously like a teenage boy somethings). Mostly fear of not getting the 'look' back if I turned. She looked at me, I saw her in my periphery, but I couldn't tell if it was a look of oh god, or the 'look' not being acknowledged by me. I think we may in fact be that awkward couple that is the most awkward at flirting. Because I can't tell, and I am trying not to freak her out if she isn't even a little bit gay. I am really attracted to her though, but I cuold live with just being her friend. I'm okay with that. I dunno. Today, our friendship moved forward though. And she made the move. She saw me during the day and while I was waiting for my food and she tapped my shoulder and got me to turn all the way around. It was pretty obvious I was happy to see her, if she isn't flirting with me, which is probably, hopefully the glee on my face OMG I MISSED GLEE THIS WEEK! Sorry, anyways, hopefully she didn't notice my complete glee the moment I saw it was her, hopefully her laughing covered it up and hopefully she was confused by me completely ramming a girl with my backpack and me being like OMG sorry. Anyways. So, we made that step forward. And the whole dinner thing was also kind of like hanging out, and so yeah. It was interesting. I dunno. I don't know what is going to happen. We'll see. I hope it goes my way, but probably not. Hopefully I'm not pushing the whole I don't like you vibe. Or the I like you vibe. I don't know. It'll be an interesting weekend.