Life in General- As Always

School man! That's been a trip. It's a little rough, I feel like I never left really. Everything is so familiar but different at the same time. I have literally spent only sleeping time in my dorm. I take everything I need with me when I leave for class and I come back when my roommate is asleep. Except she is a fucking light sleeper. Like, extremely light. If I make a noise she is up. If she sees light, she's up. Which is why I spend my time in Herman. It's literally my home, I only go and sleep in my dorm. If I could avoid that too, I would. It's just not a comfortable time. I have my roommates schedules so I know when I can avoid her during the week. I have a feeling she is one of those that goes back to their dorm after every class though, so that kinda sucks. I wish I had my old floor. They were all cool, not some pretentious assholes. Seriously. I went back at 10pm and the entire floor was silent. We have quiet hours, but those start at 11. My roommate was asleep at 10. I can stay up until 5am with no trouble at all, like... I don't get it. I mean, my old floor had all athletes so they fell asleep early but our floor was still loud as fuck. My roommate was just like me though, and I LOVED that, she would stay up with me, we would smoke together and she didn't automatically hate me. Like, I mean, I haven't even done anything to her except live with her. I like the room. There is this girl Autumn Day, I don't think she has a roommate, I'm thinking maybe I could befriend her and I would be able to live with her, because she's already spoken to me and we've laughed, so I know she doesn't hate me. It's a good start. That's really all I need. And for her not fall asleep at ridiculously early hours. That too. I mean, honestly I just need a desk to be able to play on and a bed to sleep. I study and practice and entertain myself in other places. I just need to be able to relax in my room not be on edge. It sucks really. I've also had some insane urges to smoke before I get back to my dorm. Like, just sit somewhere and smoke. I would have done it yesterday but it was in teh 60s and I was wearing a tshirt and shorts. I might today. I don't want to, but I do. I'm just kind of really lonely. I spend my time in Herman. I talk to Ada, but it's not much just in passing, she has her boyfriend and her best friends and her choir buddies. I'm just her friend in passing and I'm there if all else fails her, because I am not the greatest company. Tar-, I have tried to replace out of my memory. I don't really want to have her company and my mind kind of just blocks out every words she says. It's bad in class when she's explaining things, but I've started to block her out. I don't need her awkward negativity in my life. I'd rather be alone and awkward with my roommate than have her company Kati- and Julian--, well, they are on Tara's side I'm assuming. They hang out every night from what I can tell. I don't really go over there, because that means I'd have to go to my room earlier than I'd ever want. It's just a bummer that things have worked out this way, but I'm trying to find more friends. Friends who are good, and love me for who I am and will be my rock when I need them to be and let me be their rock. A relationship like Gil and me had a couple of years ago. I mean, I'd still take a bullet for the guy. Way too much history for me to not still love him, I guess it's true that you'll always love them. It's weird. I talk to my Liz, my cousin a lot more now, just because I know she'll always love and accept me and be there when I need her. Her entire family is great. When her brother moved close to Houston, whenever he would drive down to the Valley to see his family for a weekend, he would offer my mom a ride and she would be able to go see the family she desperately misses. Her mom cosigned a loan for me this year, and Liz has always been my rock and my favorite cousin. I wasn't truly scared to come out to her. She accepted me just the same. She loved me and jokes around with me. That's what family's for I guess. I need a drink or a fag. Both would be fine with me right now. Fuck my classes tomorrow seriously. They suck. Brit Lit, Teacher to Leader, Studio, and Theory. I can live without those. On the bright side I can sleep in or I can wake up at the same time and have some me time before my class at 10 and she leaves at like 8:30-40 I'll do that. Have some me time, and TF2 time. It'll be GLORIOUS. I don't hate my roommate per say, I just don't like her attitude toward me. I need a fag.