Agh, I swear I think he knows that I can’t help but like him. No matter what he does he’s irresistible. F my life mayn.

I really really don’t want to. Trust me I really am trying. But fuck man. Have you ever seen that one person that you would like drop everything for?

He’s like a celebrity crush. But I know him and I can touch him.

FUCK.

Okay, getting my mind off of it.

Off of it…………………….

Fuck.

Anyways, shit.

Okay, this time for real.

 

So I can switch singing The Beatles songs mid way through a word. I say that’s pretty awesome. As long as I can remember the song I can just go into the other song.

 

Today was draw a heart on your wrist day. I totally did it, and then while I was doing an awesome and epic thing my ID badge murdered my wrist across my hear, barely missing the ‘love’ Gil write inside the heart (representing the ‘To Write Love On Her Arms’ because he wrote ‘Love’ on my arm, hahaha…)

It did some damage though, it was pretty shocking, well at least to me. Thank good ol’ Zeus for making the perfectly parallel, if not, I would be a complete basket case. Ever since my self injury I have had a weird OCD thing about having my cuts in a certain way, other wise I need to fix it (and by fix of course I mean punish myself for being so stupid, even if it isn’t my fault), eh, who am I kidding I am a basket case. Just an old nutter I am.

For anyone who wants to feel completely awesome at playing any video game ever at all, go watch Tobuscus do a walk through for anything. Especially COD Black ops, or assasins creed 2. He will make you feel like a complete pro. Even if you’ve never played the game before. And, he’s not boring. You will be unable to hate his epic fails!

He will also make your day, like his Literal Translation of Assassins Creed 2 trailer. It’s pretty epic.

Some things I’ve grown to hate.

Those girls who always give you the look. No, not that look. That look when you are interested in someone, the one where they are bashful yet confident. That stupid stupid look. A girl in my choir class, some one who I quite enjoy, she is a fun kid, she’s a sophomore(half reminds me of me at that age), and I don’t think she realizes what she is doing.

She stands behind me, so when I talk to her to look at her she gives me that stupid look. It’s getting frustrating, because the first think you think when you see the look is ooo, and then I remember and I’m like FUUU.

It’s getting annoying, stupid sophomores, maybe it’s her unknown feelings but idgaf, it’s getting annoying.

The people in the hallway, those bitches who stare at you as you walk down the hall. Not those look up glance look away at someone else, no it’s the I am going to stare at you until I can’t see you anymore. Bitch, if you have a problem with me come and talk to me like a brave ass hole not like a bitch.

There are some more, but jesus. The first one just gets on my nerves, like CONTROL YOURSELF. Why do I always attract the religion loving people? At least this one is a more liberal believer.

 

So, as I’m browsing Tumblr, I follow this L Word blog, and today is the Marina day.

Now, if you didn’t read that rant about how much I love Marina, let me recap.

I FUCKING LOVE MARINA!

Like, if I ever have any doubt that I am gay, I just go back and look at Marina, or just imagine her, you know, whatever. I will remember her sultry looks, those eyes that just unffff, those perfect lips, those eyebrows that make her eyes look so much more hnngggg, and last and certainly the best attribute she has, her accent. Looking at her is not enough. You must listen to her accent. It makes me melt into a pool of putty every time.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit Marina is a bitch that destroyed Jenny, but you can only hate her so much. Your hate just lessens the moment she speaks.

 

Yeah! I’m done with that rant. I don’t think I had a point to that, I just wanted to let you know.

 

Now, it is also Carmen day! Okay, who am I kidding? Everyday is Carmen day!

If you have never seen Carmen de la Pica Morales you should. Shane was a DAMN FOOL. Stupid actress having other things to do. We still love you though!

Carmen, oh dear lord, she is like the ultimate hnggg. Marina is legendary, but Carmen is like a goddess.

She is Mexican so amazingly beautifully tan, once again her eyes display every emotion very clearly, when she is sad you just die on the inside. She may be a fictional character, but that actress is genius. You may wonder why I don’t call them by name, WELL I don’t want to google them and find out they are straight, it’s a bit devastating.

You can google them! Carmen will probably pop up immediately and Marina as long as you write L word, she’ll pop up.

 

Then of course there is my 3rd favorite. Helena Peabody. Dear lord I fucking hated her to begin with, but it’s because of how the plot of the show included her, of course after she broke up with Tina, I fucking loved her. Not only does she have the most delectable eyes to ever exist in this world, her hair extenuates her beautiful face, and also she has the most adorable accent and naïve air around her. She is English I believe and unfff. Helena Peabody my 3rd favorite. She is the fucking bomb, I don’t care what anyone says.

 

All in all? These are my 3 favorite people to exist in The L Word.

 

My top ‘I wish liked women’ list will be coming soon!

Trust me, I have several.

Today!

I’m not in a total mood to write this, I will do it however.

Forgive any typos, grammatical mistakes, syntax errors, and diction errors, I am just not feeling the typing thing.

Today. I felt like utter shit because of things that happened last night. So I didn’t go to school.

Today, coincidentally, was also my birthday.

So after a long discussion about financial aid and needing money, we decided to go to the bank and see things about student loans and such.

So then, I went we talked to the guy. I applied for a credit card and if I get approved (because you know how iffy things get when you have no credit score, sorry the guy pissed me off after saying it a million times) I’ll have a credit card. I got a debit card, a checking account, and a savings account.

Also, my license expired today. So I need to go get that. I also need to wait for my glasses however. That’s pretty much all.

Yeah

So I don’t want to log out of my Youtube Account which is different than my this blog account so I can just post this on my private blog.

Unless you want to read about my dirty night which includes my thoughts on the almost sex I had and drinking which led to me throwing up, I would say you should just completely ignore this post.

I will update you guys on my serious birthday and what I did and shiz in another post, however this will not be that post.

So If you don’t want to read about my dirty night stop reading riiigggghhhtttttt now.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

So! Yeah. Last night was interesting. So R has been bothering me for months about coming over and hanging out. I’ve been rejecting him due to many reasons, most because I don’t want to have sex.

Now, I might ask, why wouldn’t you want to have sex? That’s like a paradox. I know, I know.

To be totally honest I don’t know why I don’t want to have sex. Something in me is becoming all moral and shit I guess. I mean, sex=good. sex=awesome, sex=feeling good and awesome.

Why wouldn’t you want to feel good? Good question.. But something just told me no. Don’t do it, I don’t care if you are horny and sexually frustrated as fuck.

Now, when I have sex, at least at this age, who knows what it’ll be like when I’m older. But when I am so insanely horny and sex is like right there on top of me touching, every single touch just turns me on. No lie. Just touch me anywhere and it will just continue to get me more more turned on. Which really sucks when you’re saying no.

Really sucks.

So R was going to give me a ride somewhere today, so I decided I shouldn’t cancel on him like usual, so I let him come over.

He was bringing over some vodka and we sat there talked and he gave me a few shots. Yeah, first taste of vodka, I just straight took it in one shot. Not too bad. Smells a lot more like rubbing alcohol then I thought it would.

Nothing too strong but it sure got me buzzed after like 5 shots.

I’m assuming, no I know, he was trying to get me more loose so I would be willing to fuck.

Unfortunately for him I am a very conscience person.

It just really sucked because my body didn’t want to cooperate with me. It wouldn’t say no. Everything he did got a reaction out of me. (BTW lip bitter FTW) I diligently stayed with, no. As much as my body hated me for it.

After like the 4th shot I had to really think. What can I do to get him to stop. Considering he had rolled me on top of him and my body being stupid, stupid stupid teenage hormones, had me fighting so fucking hard to not grind into him or do anything else in that manner.

I decided my best option was to just have him be satisfied, because naturally, him being a guy he wouldn’t fight too hard after cumming to do anything to me.

So after the 5th shot I still fought him and I was like fuck it, he had lost all resolve on having sex with me, but he had been hard since he pretty much walked into my room.

So I just gave into my sexual urges and I pretty much attacked him. I couldn’t help it. I was so fucking horny, he had pushed every right button, and I really wanted to fuck something. But I didn’t. I just gave him head and him being really easy to make cum when being given head. The entire end process took like two minutes. I tried playing, but I just wanted him to stop touching me before I did something I wanted but didn’t want.

It was annoying. Being buzzed however was interesting. I’ve never been close to that. Because I just don’t really drink.

I had however eaten a fuckk load because my mother decided I was a bottomless pit like my dad and fed me everything and more. So I was feeling a bit sick even before I started drinking, and the alcohol did not help anything going on in my stomach.

So after he left. I stood up and I felt a bit queasy along with tipsy and sleepy, it was like 12:30a.m. by this time.

I went to the bathroom and upchucked for like a minute. And after thinking I was okay I went to go relax and settle my stomach. Well I wasn’t and I ran back to the bathroom threw up some more, and I felt that there was like a little left in my stomach but I couldn’t anymore, I was just no. So I went to bed after settling my stomach.

So I wake up feeling like shit today, monday, and I am like. FUUUU. School!

But I couldn’t I felt like utter shit. I threw up the remnants of the morning and I just couldn’t settle my stomach. So, my mom was all pissy about me just sitting there with my head in the bowl, I guess she thought I was faking it or something. And then after I threw up she was like ugh. Okay.

So I am like done throwing up, but I still feel not good.

I told my mom I wasn’t doing anything important today. I mean, I think what else was making me feel sick was seeing Cory. But, I just couldn’t. His funeral service was today and his burial. I guess that effected me more than I thought possible.

So yeah. I stayed home today, my birthday because I felt like crap. But I got some shit done, as you will see in my next post if you made it this far.

I tried to not go into much detail, considering this is public, though I told you what to expect. Sorry for my laziness!

OMG

I am a horrible person!!! I forgot Friday was Day of Silence.

FFFFUUUUUUU

I can’t believe I forgot.

My mind was on other things and I was trying to avoid Facebook like the plague.

On Thursday I was a bit more talkative than usual because I wanted to not think about death and such.

Sometimes, no. I always wish I weren’t such a naturally depressed person.

I wish that when something bad happened I wouldn’t instantly do everything to feel sad. Because it’s the only emotion I can do well, it’s the one thing that makes me feel.

Happiness is great and all, but I don’t feel it. It' doesn’t soak through my being and stay there from sun up to sun down for months.

Depression does, being so unbelievably sad does. It will stick to you like a tick. I know it will always be there, it’s a sick and twisted blanket.

So, whenever I know something has the potential to bring me down I have to fight through my instincts to go with it and throw things on top of it that will make me sink faster and lower. It’s something I always have to do.

When I found out that I knew Cory I tried to figure out why he would do it. And I thought about my own struggle with depression and when I was contemplating suicide on a daily basis and how I had no one to talk to and if I had killed myself no one would have known why. I wouldn’t know why either, it would have been because life looked like it would never get better.

I makes me insanely sad that he felt that way. I hate that anyone ever feels that way,, the way I’ve felt, worse than I’ve ever felt. Wanting to die because you have no hope if the worst feeling in the world. It hurts me personally to know I don’t know how to help anyone feeling that way.

Depression is just a horrible feeling and that’s why so many hurt so much when people make fun of them, or when they themselves make fun of it because understanding it is just close to impossible. You can half  imagine the internal pain.

Now, add depression to people not understanding you?

Yeah, it just sucks.

May you lay in rest Cory.

I hate it when my heart hurts. It’s not painful. Well yeah it is, but not a physical pain. It’s like a hopeless loss happiness, like it is yearning to do something to help something or someone so hard but it is confined in it’s little chamber and it just is swelling in pain trying to get me to do something even though it knows I can’t do anything either.

I hate that feeling. I really can’t stand it.

So many thoughts are roaming through my mind and I know they are so stupid they are so idiotic What else do I have to think though?

I don’t know how to make someone feel better about the future when my own thoughts on life are so depressing.

I see no point in life, we are born to die. We are trained to feel more pain then love. The only reason we keep going is because we have goals that are our check points. We live mindlessly until we maybe find something to be the sole reason we want to keep living.

Ah, life.

 

In other news! I turn 18 on Monday.

The thing I’m most excited for? Not having to lie about my birthday on gaming websites.

There’s not really anything else you can do once you turn 18.

Yeah. That’s my report for the day and probably weekend!

R.I.P. Cory

Thursday I found out someone I knew died. Or more specifically killed himself.

I didn’t know him well I talked to him once joked around many more times. He was always joking always laughing and smiling, I don’t think I ever saw him unhappy.

I know you never know someone, but I just wasn’t expecting it from him. I just wasn’t.

He was in choir, not mine specifically but he was in it, and I met him at region actually.

He was in my choir family, and even though I’ve only been there a year, it really feels like a family and I feel everyone’s pain.

He was a great kid and only a sophomore.

I sat in 3rd period yesterday bawling with the rest of my family. The counselor came to talk to us and everyone just broke down. We sang a song in his honor and we prayed for him and we sat in silence.

It was a very intense unhappy day all in all.

He was a great guy. I really wished I got to know him better. Now, I’m going to get to know everyone I know.

It’s just very sad that a friend, a brother, a singer has decided this life wasn’t his to live.

Rest in Peace Cory Weisinger, we all miss you and we all hope you are finding heaven to be better than you found this life.

A pointless talk

So, I am on Tumblr just reading peoples post, looking through new people to see if I want to follow them, and I keep seeing their significant others and posts of love and I’m sitting here like… What will it be like when I fall in love someone. Granted that usually requires you to be in a relationship.

I can’t really imagine being in love. I know I will do my best to be good to them and not my normal pusher away. Though, I assume there will be some overwhelming feeling of loss if I try and do that so sense will stop me.

Has anyone out there reading this been in some serious love before?

All I have to go off of are songs. And we all know people generally only write about their pain not their love.

I guess I have some relationships I can bounce it off. The stupid friendship me and Gil have, for instance.

Oh! A thing you guys probably know but I think I’ve said. I really really really try to stop liking some people, either because they are in relationships, they are douches, they are not good people to be in relationships, etc. I can’t however. I’ve pretty much failed every time. I just can push it to the back of my mind and try and forget it with time but I have the tendency of not getting over them until they are replaced. Unfortunately for me I haven’t found a better replacement.

It’s LAME.

Now, for more pressing topics. I just started watching the US version of Skins. It sucks. stinky hairy balls. It is SO bad. Tony is UGLY, he has an ugly voice, Effy is ugly, Jal who is Daisy in it is a trumpet player EW and doesn’t have an awesome air around her. GAY. Chris, or at least who I am assuming is Chris is ugly, not funny, and his hair is bad. And nips or Michelle is hot but I doubt she can pull of the sexy bordering on slut that Michelle had. Stanley I already hate, because of his name, it’s SID. Anwar was the final straw, his scene in the UK was way funnier and he is not as awkward looking as Anwar in the UK. I’m disappointed. Stupid US writers. I got through the lame word for word dialogue for the first like 5 minutes, but I can’t do it. It is just BAD.

BAD.

I don’t recommend it AT ALL. Watch the UK version for a better version. I can’t even imagine how they are going to do some of the scenes that happened in the UK.

Fuck. It really sucked so bad. I may not be a fan of some of the characters in the new generation in the UK, but I don’t hate any of them. The characters in the US just SUCK. At least in the UK they can act.

Ugh, I didn’t even want to see Maxxie or the lesbian in the US version. I might CRY if they make a generation 2. That’s my favorite in the funny, mental issue category. With my fav. lesbian couple. I will CRY if they butcher it. God forbid they make it to generation 3, they would completely just mutilate that one. Just chop it into little pieces.

I can’t even describe it.

Wow. Now, I’m watching this movie. Tormented, seems pretty good I’m only a bit into it.

Hm… I’m kind of curious as to how it is.

You should watch it. Pretty okay I guess.

Fancy!

I’m doing this on the windows live writer or whatever. And it’s niceeeee.

I recommend it so far. It looks easy to use. I mean it is only my first one, but it does several blogs and I think you can choose, but since I only have one!

Yup, I’m pretty much done now, see ya guys later!

Short romance spiel.

Now this is going to be one of those posts.

Where I am the hopeless romantic and I spill out a bunch of random things I would do, and considering the mood I'm in it may or may not get sexually explicit.

So... Continue at your own discretion, you can't say I did not warn you!

Every single day I would text you good morning sending you different variations of how great you really are. When I see you for the first time that day I will do some corny, cliche hello. Whether it be the Marty and Alex run at each other (before Alex tries to eat him) or doing a ninja sneak up or the cliche covering your eyes. I would then proceed to give you a light kiss not really caring who is around or who sees because all that matters to me for that split second is you and only you, in that moment you are my perfect world.

*Slight side note OMG I WANT SOME ROBIN NIKES!*

You'd have to forgive my extreme awkwardness because I'm constantly afraid of saying something stupid and insulting someone. We will talk about so many random things and laugh about the silliest things. I would hold your hand down the halls and in stores and walking down the street. I would try for that awkward walking while holding you from behind, and if that doesn't work I'll just carry you like a G XD

I would be able to stare into your eyes for hours and I would play with your hair constantly because let's face it you have sexy hair, and if you don't think so, then me constantly playing with your hair will make you feel very odd.

I could hold you and cuddle for ages.

When you're cold I'll make sure to give you my jacket and my body warmth. What is mine will be yours, except my electronics. I love you, but those are like my baby ducks mess with them and some shit's gonna go down XD

And I would continue this, but I got distracted, and yeah...

College :(

Okay, beyond popular belief, or you know., what I've been telling people. I have NOT decided where I'm going to college. I mean, I haven't paid my applications fees to anywhere else, so I basically have decided.

IT'S FUCKING SCARY.

Ugh, I've been dying to go to a different college but fuck mayn.

Last one I promise!

I shall bother you guys once more today!

I remembered the reason I was going to post a few days ago while thinking about somethings.

I've been relatively emotionally unstable the past week or so. Why?

Well a friend I used to hold dear just started acting like she could tolerate me but she would rather not talk to me or be around me. Why?

I'd like to know that too. The first few days I didn't know what was up, granted I still don't, but I just grew more and more analytical.

I thought of everything I could have possibly done wrong, and I realized that I just suck.

Now, I probably don't and these are things people normally do, but I easily exaggerate anything bad or slightly unacceptable I do into the worst crime known to man.

Then I did what I convinced myself I wouldn't do anymore. I thought to myself that she doesn't need someone like me in her life, she is way better off with out me and if that tears me up on the inside so be it.

I ALWAYS do so. I did it the moment after I realized he wasn't talking to me.

In my mind I'm not worthy of anyone and I'm lucky to get who I get.

I know it shouldn't be that way.

I went through a whole day berating myself. I was on the brink of tears until I got so pissed off for no reason. Pissed off at myself, pissed off at her, pissed off at the world, I guess, but I was so angry. Then band kind of simmered me off, but considering she sits in front of me and I rely on her to tune my notes, it wasn't easy cooling my guns.

I was a big ball of emotions. I distracted myself by talking nonsense pretty much because it was either bawl my eyes out or punch a bitch.

I'm still pissed because as she knew she was one of teh only people I could talk to. I mean I kept a lot of things from her. I never told her I had had sex, I didn't tell her I had/have a crush on her so called best friend, I never told her she would be so much better if she just didn't worry, I never told her that her anger was a thing she needed to channel. I never said a lot of things. Because they are negative things.

I can think of a few reasons why she would be mad at me, but I don't think it would throw her over the edge.

I don't know and it pisses me off.

What ever. I'm trying really hard to just let go.

My next topic, after watch Imagine Me and You and doing that mad libs thing, I wondered, "Do people look for true love when they are looking for a best friend and a lover?"

I never really thought about it. I have not subconsciencly looked for someone because I want to be with them for ever, they were almost over pure lust and not wanting to be alone.

I still would rather not be alone, but that's besides the point. I really have never looked for someone I would want to spend the rest of my life with.

I asked myself, "Do others look for their life long partner when they date? Or are they just desperately looking for someone to be with so they are not alone?"

I don't know the answer to that, but i know I never did until now.

Maybe it's because I'm nearing my 18th birthday, maybe it's because I'm about to go out into the world alone and look for my soul mate. I don't know.

I'm thinking long term about a lot of things and it really is scaring the shit out of me. Harry Potter ending hits at home. Because it is ending as my adolescence is there will be no more Harry Potter once I start my life as an adult.

I'm so fucking scared. I thought I'd be counting the last seconds before I finally had the opportunity to leave.

Every time I reminisce with someone, I think. Would you still act like this if yu knew I was gay?

Everyone talks about our reunion in a decade and I don't know. What will they do when and if I show up with a woman by my side.

What will my students think when they see the tattoo that will be on my back and on my foot and possibly my arm. What will my employers think about it? What will they think about my sexuality. My partners? Will my student's parents accept it?

What will the world be like? Will there even be jobs for teachers? Music educators?

What will my teachers now think about me in a few years?

I will be at TMEA I will see Vince, Taylor, Mr. Bendorf, Mr. Hoskins, Mrs. Benitez, Mr. Collazo, Mr. Eck, and Mr. Goforth there. What will they think about my teaching? My school?

Will I be up to par?

Will I fuck something up?

Will I be able to teach?

Will they like me?

Can I teach them?

Or will I fuck someone up?

Will I go to the school I want?

Will my playing be up to par?

Will I be able to learn?

I'm so scared.

These questions go through my mind all day, everyday.

I've been told I'm a good teacher and I would be great at it. But I don't know. I'm not sure if I can do it.

I can shape into the things I need to be a good teacher, I'm a laid back person but i can work on my weak attributes.

I don't know.

I really try to be insanely confident, but it's so hard will all these questions and doubt floating around in my mind.

OMG she's straight XD

So! I'm watching Imagine Me and You, an amazing movie about a freshly married chick and this lesbian florist. It's british, I like it so far.

So the best man liked the florist, and I forgot my point... OH, I remember.

The best man liked the florist and he shot her a look like, fuck she won't have me(he's a bit of a slag) and I thought, "Sorry guy, the best ones are always straight." Yup I consciencly thought she was straight because she liked girls. Apparently in my world, liking girls makes you straight and liking boys make you gay, in a girls perspective XD

Feliz Day!

I have to say, I'm slightly addicted to pokemon black.

It's honestly a good game. The best I've played story line wise. It has a bunch of unique attributes I haven't seen in other games, I kind of wish they still had the offline mini games and like hiding places and such but they don't I can live with it though.

It has a bunch of great aspects and I completely recommend it to anyone.

And don't be discouraged if you really want some older generation pokemon to appear. They will eventually, but patience is key in this game.

Now! As I just got distracted...

I found the cutest thing EVER!!!


1. Your Morning

You open your eyes, shaking off a peaceful sleep, to find your angel laying next to you. She smiles and bats those lovely lashes of hers. Her eyes are-

a. Hazel

And you love them. You love her. She loves you back and it's the most wonderful feeling in the world. Every morning when you wake up, the first thing you do is-

b. Move the hair out of her face, kiss her lightly on the lips, and tell her I love her.

She giggles and you feel warm inside. You wake up like this everyday, and wouldn't change it for the world. She makes you fall a little more each day you're together. With words straight from your heart, being in love with her is-

c. the greatest thing ever to happen in this grand universe, with out her I'd be nothing, with her I feel invincible, I will be with her as long as she can stand me, and I feel like the hugest cliche in the world because she is my everything and I'd be lost with out her.

2. Your Relationship

This girl is absolutely perfect in your eyes, but how does she feel about you? Your angel calls you-

a. babe

And does so often. She calls you in the middle of the day just to say she misses you. When she's away, she admits she can't sleep without you and you rush to her, wherever she is. She can be so-

b. spontaneous, cute, and hilarious.

And you eat it up. When you two are alone, she loves to-

c. steal kisses that I would gladly let her have and give romantic gestures.

You don't protest. You secretly love giving into her. You make her happy because you care, and your heart melts with how selflessly she takes care of you. You were sick that one week, and to make you feel better, your angel-

d. stayed with me the entire time through my annoying moaning and made me some chicken soup to help me get better, but I have to wonder what her intentions were because I refused to touch her so she wouldn't get sick ;)

You ask yourself, "How did I get so lucky?" while she secretly asks herself the same thing.

3. Your Rough Patches

You and your angel have been fighting. It's not your fault this time, it's actually hers! If it had been your fault, you would have-

a. apologize for being a stupid jerk face and probably do something super way unbelievably nice.

But that's not the case. She won't admit she's wrong. You two fight. You fight hard. It ends with her storming off and "needing some space" from you. You're heartbroken. She left. The worst thing she could ever say to you is-

b. I don't love you, I never did, I absolutely can't stand you, I hate you, and I hope you die.

And that's exactly what she said. You stare at your cell phone and wait for her to call or text an "I'm sorry", but it doesn't come. Minutes pass by. Minutes turn into hours. Hours pass. The hours turn into days. Four days go by with no word from your beautiful angel. You worry. The first thought in your head is-

c. Is she not going to come back, is this real, is she really going to do this? God no.

And you're not sure how it makes you feel. You're at home when a knock comes at your door; there she is, standing in front of you with a glow about her. The first words that you expect to come out of her mouth are-

d. I'm sorry, I'm sorry for leaving like that, can you forgive me for being such an idiot?

And they are. You have never seen her as fragile as she appeared at that moment. You look in her eyes. She's afraid. She's afraid of loosing you. You're afraid of loosing her, too, or at least at one point you were. You open your arms, offering her a warm embrace (which she eagerly accepts). "Promise me something," you whisper. "Can you do that for me?" She pulls back just a little bit and nods. "Anything," she smiles. "What is it?" You look at her and say-

e. "Don't run away from this again. I know things will get hard but I love you so much it hurts, and I believe that you understand how much that is. As much as it hurts to fight, it'll hurt so much more for this to be over. I love you so much. I promise you that I will never walk out on us. Please promise me the same."

She smiles again and offers a simple, "Okay." before you both go in, stronger than before.

End


It's a fill in the letter! It's like mad libs but way more awesome! Those answers are mine, you should do it too!

Hm...

I sent this to my friend who is feeling attacked by people after her and her boyfriend broke up, on facebook, technically I commented on her status.

"Forget them, they aren't worth it. Just stick with those you know love you and wait for the others to prove that they love you too, and if they don't they can go do something with themselves."

I'm so exhausted. I just want to lay down and sleep for a year. And the above is just there to fill up space.