Yeah

So I don’t want to log out of my Youtube Account which is different than my this blog account so I can just post this on my private blog.

Unless you want to read about my dirty night which includes my thoughts on the almost sex I had and drinking which led to me throwing up, I would say you should just completely ignore this post.

I will update you guys on my serious birthday and what I did and shiz in another post, however this will not be that post.

So If you don’t want to read about my dirty night stop reading riiigggghhhtttttt now.

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So! Yeah. Last night was interesting. So R has been bothering me for months about coming over and hanging out. I’ve been rejecting him due to many reasons, most because I don’t want to have sex.

Now, I might ask, why wouldn’t you want to have sex? That’s like a paradox. I know, I know.

To be totally honest I don’t know why I don’t want to have sex. Something in me is becoming all moral and shit I guess. I mean, sex=good. sex=awesome, sex=feeling good and awesome.

Why wouldn’t you want to feel good? Good question.. But something just told me no. Don’t do it, I don’t care if you are horny and sexually frustrated as fuck.

Now, when I have sex, at least at this age, who knows what it’ll be like when I’m older. But when I am so insanely horny and sex is like right there on top of me touching, every single touch just turns me on. No lie. Just touch me anywhere and it will just continue to get me more more turned on. Which really sucks when you’re saying no.

Really sucks.

So R was going to give me a ride somewhere today, so I decided I shouldn’t cancel on him like usual, so I let him come over.

He was bringing over some vodka and we sat there talked and he gave me a few shots. Yeah, first taste of vodka, I just straight took it in one shot. Not too bad. Smells a lot more like rubbing alcohol then I thought it would.

Nothing too strong but it sure got me buzzed after like 5 shots.

I’m assuming, no I know, he was trying to get me more loose so I would be willing to fuck.

Unfortunately for him I am a very conscience person.

It just really sucked because my body didn’t want to cooperate with me. It wouldn’t say no. Everything he did got a reaction out of me. (BTW lip bitter FTW) I diligently stayed with, no. As much as my body hated me for it.

After like the 4th shot I had to really think. What can I do to get him to stop. Considering he had rolled me on top of him and my body being stupid, stupid stupid teenage hormones, had me fighting so fucking hard to not grind into him or do anything else in that manner.

I decided my best option was to just have him be satisfied, because naturally, him being a guy he wouldn’t fight too hard after cumming to do anything to me.

So after the 5th shot I still fought him and I was like fuck it, he had lost all resolve on having sex with me, but he had been hard since he pretty much walked into my room.

So I just gave into my sexual urges and I pretty much attacked him. I couldn’t help it. I was so fucking horny, he had pushed every right button, and I really wanted to fuck something. But I didn’t. I just gave him head and him being really easy to make cum when being given head. The entire end process took like two minutes. I tried playing, but I just wanted him to stop touching me before I did something I wanted but didn’t want.

It was annoying. Being buzzed however was interesting. I’ve never been close to that. Because I just don’t really drink.

I had however eaten a fuckk load because my mother decided I was a bottomless pit like my dad and fed me everything and more. So I was feeling a bit sick even before I started drinking, and the alcohol did not help anything going on in my stomach.

So after he left. I stood up and I felt a bit queasy along with tipsy and sleepy, it was like 12:30a.m. by this time.

I went to the bathroom and upchucked for like a minute. And after thinking I was okay I went to go relax and settle my stomach. Well I wasn’t and I ran back to the bathroom threw up some more, and I felt that there was like a little left in my stomach but I couldn’t anymore, I was just no. So I went to bed after settling my stomach.

So I wake up feeling like shit today, monday, and I am like. FUUUU. School!

But I couldn’t I felt like utter shit. I threw up the remnants of the morning and I just couldn’t settle my stomach. So, my mom was all pissy about me just sitting there with my head in the bowl, I guess she thought I was faking it or something. And then after I threw up she was like ugh. Okay.

So I am like done throwing up, but I still feel not good.

I told my mom I wasn’t doing anything important today. I mean, I think what else was making me feel sick was seeing Cory. But, I just couldn’t. His funeral service was today and his burial. I guess that effected me more than I thought possible.

So yeah. I stayed home today, my birthday because I felt like crap. But I got some shit done, as you will see in my next post if you made it this far.

I tried to not go into much detail, considering this is public, though I told you what to expect. Sorry for my laziness!