Lol, so my week has been a bit eventful. My research things went over well. Weird thing was that my Economics teacher walked over to me after I spoke and presented or whatever (I went over my time by almost 20 minutes) and told me I had a great presenting voice or whatever and asked me if I was in Drama or speech or any of that crap, and I said no and he was just like oh, you did great. It was weird especially sense my mom was sitting next to me and I was in the middle of making fun of one of my friends and he cam from behind me, CREEPY! The thing I loved about the entire thing was that this annoying ass girl sat next to me and it was hilarious, because she wants to be an 'actress' or some stupid shit like that and he did not say a WORD to her after she presented and she was just looking expectantly at him when he came over to me. It made my night! That and before I left at the end he came back and told me again he was proud of me, I was like... thank you? and he didn't say SHIT to her, I loved it. hahaha

If you knew this girl you would hate her too.

So yeah, oh and guys, if you ever talk to me in person or whatever, just know the one way to piss me off is to ask me "Are you okay?" constantly. I could just shoot myself in the head. I would want to shoot you slowly and painfully. You would wish you were dead :D

Honestly it's my least favorite thing ever. If you ask me, chances are that 50 people before you asked me that question. If you're going to ask something like that, rephrase it or reword it, because I will hate you if you ask me that. Especially if you know you are just doing it to know and not do me any good. Chances that I'm going to say "Oh yeah, I'm in a major fight with my best friend, we haven't talked in days and now he's sick and I can't do or ask anything because you jack asses won't ask him and if you do ask you'll say I asked, and I can't have that not to mention I've cut like 5 times in the past few days because my mind is so skewed and I'm probably going to fail all my classes because my mind and heart aren't in it and I'm almost 100% sure I'm severely depressed but the chances of me killing myself are slim." are less than 0.

So if you really want to know make sure you're ready to hear me out, if not you're just wasting both our times.

Btw, the above example was a mixture of several separate occasions when people have asked me the dreaded "Are you okay?" question.

I admit last school year was honestly one of my lowest but still, I had about 10 people ask me in a 2 hour range if I was 'okay'. I looked like shit and I looked depressed as hell, of course I was okay! ugh *rollseyes*

So just know that fact.

C&SI board has directed me to a youtube channel that will help me right now, because my mind has been in rough times. I mean right now my parents are pretty much poor, idk how we are going to make it this time. I dunno how my dad is going to be, it sounds like he isn't getting better, and here I have to start band soon as a leader and that's a major role. I know I can do it, but it makes me nervous, because my mind has it, it's my body that probably won't produce. My knees are really crap and I know the several factors that are making it this way. It's a very stressful thing. Idk my mind wants me to revert back to my old coping mechanism, and sometimes it seems like things would be so much easier if I just gave in and started it again. Idk, I just really idk right now.

We'll see how it works out. I think if I just keep myself busy all day I can avoid it and try to get through it when I don't have anything to do.