I have mentally been clouded all week. After Sunday when I stayed up until ungodly hours doing homework I was exhausted. I still got the highest grades on that test XD
But even now I feel tired!
My eyes are heavy and my head is always on that if you lean it a certain way on something you'll feel the pleasure of getting closer to sleep.
Everyday XD And I'm actually too awake to be able to sleep. I know. I've tried to take naps.
I've tried very hard to exhaust myself. It's ridiculous.
ANYWAYS!
That dude called me a few days ago, actually! It was when I was doing my homework I believe. I didn't answer because I didn't have the time nor the brain power to really have a conversation, it would have been a bunch of nonsense.
I dunno about you guys, but when I do math and I'm confused or weighing my options I speak in my mind. It's like thinking, but I have an intelligible conversation.
It's odd! Oh! did I say this yesterday? I'm not sure! I'll say it again if I did.
I watched this thing that talked about associating numbers with colors and such. The other day I told my friends that I associate numbers with colors and they looked at me like I was crazy XD
It's weird because it doesn't sit well with my when numbers on paper are in color because they are the wrong shade or characteristic. I know, crazy.
Apparently it's this whole thing and people actually are pro at it. Like some chick does it with letters and she won a spelling bee because of it.
Pretty beast.
Yeah! They have like characteristics and colors in my mind. It's not really conscience I just see them in my minds eye in that way when I think about numbers.
Bleh bleh bleh.
My mind totally bogged down. It's like I had a long hard days work but I haven't done anything. So lame.
Hm... I've been incredibly anti social with some of my friends because I always forget to text people back so when I think about texting someone I think about the ways I won't be able to respond in like an hour or 30 minutes. If they IMed me I would totally answer because my computer is always infront of me.
The only person who I tried to talk to was one of my ex's and jeez is that guy annoying. He's a year older than me but dumb as fuck. Not really intelligence wise, he's a little below average but no biggie, he has no freaking common sense. He's an idiot. So I stopped that.
If it weren't for class I for sure would speak to no one. It's a bit liberating, though. It;s like I can speak to whoever I want now because I can, not because I needed to not piss off this one person, or this person said that about them, it's plainly. I can go up and talk to anyone whenever I want.
I suck at talking to new people however. It's like.... awkward awkward awkward awkward awkward awkward Awkward Awkward Awkward Awkward Awkward Awkward Awkward AWKWARD AWKWARD AWKWARD AWKWARD AWKWARD!!!!! RANDOM BURST OF SPAZ AND RANDOM!!!
Like if I really want to be friends with them.
One of my now friends moved from Cali to here a little after freshman year started and she was in band with us. So Fernando and I were sitting there on a free day just talking and then I saw her sitting all alone doing a lanyard. I asked Fernando if we should talk to her, he was like if you want.
So the way I approached it was like this.
She was sitting a good ten feet away and I said something along the lines of "CYNTHIA!" she looks up like what? "Why are you sitting there being all anti-social?!"
"What?"
"Get over here!"
"What? No it's okay really!
"Cynthia! Drag your chair over here or we'll drag you over here ourselves!" Now Fernando plays along and does nods his head like yeah.
"No really! I'm okay!"
"CYNTHIA! GET OVER HERE!"
"Okay okay!"
And yeah... we;ve been friends ever since XD She's the only person I actually remember how we met. How would I not?!
Yup!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Love, lust, Minecraftia!
Is it too much to ask for my future roommate to be gay, utterly awesome, and someone I could possibly love for the rest of my life?
Yes?
Okay then.
Dude, I'm getting really anxious. For the past 2 years, at least, I've had a major crush on someone and it's completely unnerving to not actually like someone for this long(about 6-8 months).
It's completely in my mind, but it's still unnerving. I finally have the freedom, to not be stuck on one person who is a total douche, to like someone good and I can't seem to find one.
I'm not looking, obviously, but even when you're not looking you can't help but like that one person.
Ugh, really, think before you wish.
Hm... So I think I am like the smartest person in my College Algebra class. Which is kinda sad because I really hate algebra. It's even more sad that we should have learned most of what my professor has taught in high school. Even more sad, I only vaguely knew about what he taught.
I think I tied for the highest grade on this last test, which was my lowest grade. But on the non-calculator section of our test I had to graph logs, and the night before I did all my homework in one go(about 5-6 hours) and I was exhausted and I made the decision to not study/learn what the hell they were. I know what they look like in theory just not enough to know where they go on a graph.
So I got -10 points for that, and the only other point I missed on that section was because I didn't do some of his picky shit.
The second half was totally my fault but it was only -8 points.
Needless to say I was pissed at myself and yet I was probably the person who was the most pissed off for getting a good grade.
I'm crazy I know. But when I know it's my fault, I can't help but be pissed. In Music Theory whenever I would get like a 90-99 on any test I would be so pissed at myself, even though I got the highest grade. Because I know I was just an idiot and had a lapse of intelligence.
ANYWAYS!
I'm almost done. I have class tomorrow, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. And Tuesday I'm taking a test and Wednesday is our Final Exam review and Thursday is Final Exam day.
My test on Tuesday should take me about 15-20 minutes depending on what type of answers he asks for. It'll be a complete and total breeze.
Then a week off to do absolutely nothing. Then we're going to Washington D.C.! Fun!
Then a little under a month to prepare for college, then actually trucking it up to Marietta, Ohio which is like the border city to Birmingham or something like that in West Virginia.
I'm looking forward to meeting all the new people and hearing their accents XD
I know I keep obsessing over the accent thing, but it's because I legit don't believe there is a difference between how I sound and they sound XD
Call it ignorance whatever I don't think it's that different!
OH! How could I forget?! So like a month ago I started watching the Yogscast, which are these two, well technically three people who play games. But they are hilarious. Then I saw their Minecraft videos. They were hilarious and made me really want to play Minecraft. So I bought it XD
Needless to say I'm sort of addicted!
Yes?
Okay then.
Dude, I'm getting really anxious. For the past 2 years, at least, I've had a major crush on someone and it's completely unnerving to not actually like someone for this long(about 6-8 months).
It's completely in my mind, but it's still unnerving. I finally have the freedom, to not be stuck on one person who is a total douche, to like someone good and I can't seem to find one.
I'm not looking, obviously, but even when you're not looking you can't help but like that one person.
Ugh, really, think before you wish.
Hm... So I think I am like the smartest person in my College Algebra class. Which is kinda sad because I really hate algebra. It's even more sad that we should have learned most of what my professor has taught in high school. Even more sad, I only vaguely knew about what he taught.
I think I tied for the highest grade on this last test, which was my lowest grade. But on the non-calculator section of our test I had to graph logs, and the night before I did all my homework in one go(about 5-6 hours) and I was exhausted and I made the decision to not study/learn what the hell they were. I know what they look like in theory just not enough to know where they go on a graph.
So I got -10 points for that, and the only other point I missed on that section was because I didn't do some of his picky shit.
The second half was totally my fault but it was only -8 points.
Needless to say I was pissed at myself and yet I was probably the person who was the most pissed off for getting a good grade.
I'm crazy I know. But when I know it's my fault, I can't help but be pissed. In Music Theory whenever I would get like a 90-99 on any test I would be so pissed at myself, even though I got the highest grade. Because I know I was just an idiot and had a lapse of intelligence.
ANYWAYS!
I'm almost done. I have class tomorrow, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. And Tuesday I'm taking a test and Wednesday is our Final Exam review and Thursday is Final Exam day.
My test on Tuesday should take me about 15-20 minutes depending on what type of answers he asks for. It'll be a complete and total breeze.
Then a week off to do absolutely nothing. Then we're going to Washington D.C.! Fun!
Then a little under a month to prepare for college, then actually trucking it up to Marietta, Ohio which is like the border city to Birmingham or something like that in West Virginia.
I'm looking forward to meeting all the new people and hearing their accents XD
I know I keep obsessing over the accent thing, but it's because I legit don't believe there is a difference between how I sound and they sound XD
Call it ignorance whatever I don't think it's that different!
OH! How could I forget?! So like a month ago I started watching the Yogscast, which are these two, well technically three people who play games. But they are hilarious. Then I saw their Minecraft videos. They were hilarious and made me really want to play Minecraft. So I bought it XD
Needless to say I'm sort of addicted!
Saturday, June 25, 2011
06.24.11
I feel a need to blog on a day like today.
Today 6/42/11 Gay marriage in New York was legalized.
Now. I'm sure you've very much noticed my increased interest in LGBT anything.
Tumblr pretty much keeps me in a twister of it. Not that I really mind.
I have always thought gay anything was fine, I mean what was the difference between them and me, except the fact they would be persecuted for the simple fact that they loved different people then I did. I always thought that was fucked up.
It's just that everyday I notice more and more how my entire life was designed so I would be steered away from liking girls.
I always liked to hang out with the boys more when I was in elementary school, then my favorite teacher told my mom who then told me to play with the girls and then the teacher told me to go play with the girls.
That was none of their fucking business and they made me think it was wrong that I liked playing with boys better. I mean what the fuck? Closed minded bitches.
Anyways. There was another occasion where I was trying to look at something on the other side of my friend(when we were sitting against the wall indian style) and she I put my hand on her thigh to not fall on her, and she was like SPAZ WTF don't do that they might think it's something.
Now, considering I was the most oblivious naive girl in elementary school I was like... what? and she left.
Bitch, I bet she turned out gay. Fucking asshole. She was a wannabe bitch anyways.
ANYWAYS!
Then we all know my disney story and the story of the girl in the ball pit with me in pre-k.
God adults were bitches and cock blockers!
Parents are huge cock blockers.
The other day, this girl was checking me out at my local Sam's.
She was pretty much staring at me. She was hot. However I was with my mother and I could gawk at her, and she was with her entire family. It was infuriating to say the least.
So, my Tumblr is going ape shit over the legalization of gay marriage in New York while my facebook is wrapped around teenage drama. I mean wtf? The one status on there was;
"damn. they done legalized gay marriage in new york. smh. Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve."
First of all, what the flipping fuck? So I see it has comments and I'm like okay lets see what these kids have to say. And then this little fuck who is stupid as shit starts agreeing with him and making stupid comments while these 3 other people are like stop being stupid(in so many words) the last comment on the status was from stupid fucker:
"gay people need to leaves us alone, trying to make us feel bad about not supporting gay marrige..."
What the actual fuck?
I still feel like grabbing his ugly awkward fucking head and going Evil kid Buu vs Vegeta on his fucking ass.
I hate people right now.
So I was pissed and I was like "It's on monumental days like these, that you realize who the ignorant idiots are."
And two of my favorite people liked it. My favorite little sophomore and my Viny! (Viny is a girl a grade higher than me who has always been level headed)
There's still hope for humanity.
If they had said that shit near me, oh the shit I would have told them.
Like they say, no one is born hating homosexuals.
Why shouldn't people be allowed to love each other?
Ugh, just some stupid shit.
Fuck, if I'm going to hell for being mostly gay, well fuck I'm going to love hell, it's going to be a fucking party!
It get's very fucking frustrating.
Hm... in other news.
Whenever I speak to any of my ex's they either bring drama with them or want to fuck me.
It's starting to get fucking annoying. It's like piss off, there's a reason I'm not with you, because you fucking suck.
I've learned to let go. It's pretty cool. It's very relaxing.
My entire mindset is very laid back.
My view on relationships? If you're willing to fight for me and I'm willing to fight for you we're good. If you fight for me and I fucking like/love you then I will fight demons straight from hell to be with you. Otherwise, it's not worth emotionally investing myself and it's just a fun past time.
Life? Take it as it comes. If it's bad look at the positive and see what will be, instead of what it won't. Fight for what you love and fuck everything else. Do what you want, not what others want from you. It's your fucking life and you only get one so fucking love it or make sure you'll love it. Everything else is shit other than your happiness.
Don't be a selfish fuck, love others as you want to be loved, even if they don't love you. Everyone deserves respect. Never say anything that is insulting for no reason. Don't be fucking ignorant because you're surrounded by people who don't give any fucks and people who will instill hate into your heart to get the people who don't give fucks to hate you.
Surround yourself with people who love you as you love them otherwise they aren't worth getting emotionally invested.
Take chances on things that can make you happy. Otherwise move on.
Basically if you love doing it or will love doing it, do it, if not, fuck it.
Today 6/42/11 Gay marriage in New York was legalized.
Now. I'm sure you've very much noticed my increased interest in LGBT anything.
Tumblr pretty much keeps me in a twister of it. Not that I really mind.
I have always thought gay anything was fine, I mean what was the difference between them and me, except the fact they would be persecuted for the simple fact that they loved different people then I did. I always thought that was fucked up.
It's just that everyday I notice more and more how my entire life was designed so I would be steered away from liking girls.
I always liked to hang out with the boys more when I was in elementary school, then my favorite teacher told my mom who then told me to play with the girls and then the teacher told me to go play with the girls.
That was none of their fucking business and they made me think it was wrong that I liked playing with boys better. I mean what the fuck? Closed minded bitches.
Anyways. There was another occasion where I was trying to look at something on the other side of my friend(when we were sitting against the wall indian style) and she I put my hand on her thigh to not fall on her, and she was like SPAZ WTF don't do that they might think it's something.
Now, considering I was the most oblivious naive girl in elementary school I was like... what? and she left.
Bitch, I bet she turned out gay. Fucking asshole. She was a wannabe bitch anyways.
ANYWAYS!
Then we all know my disney story and the story of the girl in the ball pit with me in pre-k.
God adults were bitches and cock blockers!
Parents are huge cock blockers.
The other day, this girl was checking me out at my local Sam's.
She was pretty much staring at me. She was hot. However I was with my mother and I could gawk at her, and she was with her entire family. It was infuriating to say the least.
So, my Tumblr is going ape shit over the legalization of gay marriage in New York while my facebook is wrapped around teenage drama. I mean wtf? The one status on there was;
"damn. they done legalized gay marriage in new york. smh. Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve."
First of all, what the flipping fuck? So I see it has comments and I'm like okay lets see what these kids have to say. And then this little fuck who is stupid as shit starts agreeing with him and making stupid comments while these 3 other people are like stop being stupid(in so many words) the last comment on the status was from stupid fucker:
"gay people need to leaves us alone, trying to make us feel bad about not supporting gay marrige..."
What the actual fuck?
I still feel like grabbing his ugly awkward fucking head and going Evil kid Buu vs Vegeta on his fucking ass.
I hate people right now.
So I was pissed and I was like "It's on monumental days like these, that you realize who the ignorant idiots are."
And two of my favorite people liked it. My favorite little sophomore and my Viny! (Viny is a girl a grade higher than me who has always been level headed)
There's still hope for humanity.
If they had said that shit near me, oh the shit I would have told them.
Like they say, no one is born hating homosexuals.
Why shouldn't people be allowed to love each other?
Ugh, just some stupid shit.
Fuck, if I'm going to hell for being mostly gay, well fuck I'm going to love hell, it's going to be a fucking party!
It get's very fucking frustrating.
Hm... in other news.
Whenever I speak to any of my ex's they either bring drama with them or want to fuck me.
It's starting to get fucking annoying. It's like piss off, there's a reason I'm not with you, because you fucking suck.
I've learned to let go. It's pretty cool. It's very relaxing.
My entire mindset is very laid back.
My view on relationships? If you're willing to fight for me and I'm willing to fight for you we're good. If you fight for me and I fucking like/love you then I will fight demons straight from hell to be with you. Otherwise, it's not worth emotionally investing myself and it's just a fun past time.
Life? Take it as it comes. If it's bad look at the positive and see what will be, instead of what it won't. Fight for what you love and fuck everything else. Do what you want, not what others want from you. It's your fucking life and you only get one so fucking love it or make sure you'll love it. Everything else is shit other than your happiness.
Don't be a selfish fuck, love others as you want to be loved, even if they don't love you. Everyone deserves respect. Never say anything that is insulting for no reason. Don't be fucking ignorant because you're surrounded by people who don't give any fucks and people who will instill hate into your heart to get the people who don't give fucks to hate you.
Surround yourself with people who love you as you love them otherwise they aren't worth getting emotionally invested.
Take chances on things that can make you happy. Otherwise move on.
Basically if you love doing it or will love doing it, do it, if not, fuck it.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Flirty flirt
Ha ha! (Triumphant Ha, ha!)
So there is this girl on tumblr that I have a tumblr crush on, only. I don't do the long distance thing, even if I did have a chance with this girl.
Her self-esteem has been wavering and she never sees any love from her followers.
So I decided to compliment her and to tell her something that is awesome about her. I did it on 3 separate occasions and the first time no one said anything after our her and I's anonymous conversation(me being anonymous and all). The second time someone complimented her after the girl and I spoke.
Yesterday, I straight up flirted with her, I turned on some of my charm. Yeah, I didn't know I could do that either XD I just wrote in my highly educated vocabulary that makes the english language so much sexier. And then I said something in italian, because italian is such a romantic language(and I personally love speaking it, even though I haven't a clue what I'm saying) and we had a foreign language conversation.
You know what? I'm just going to copy and past XD Much easier and faster than explaining what happened.
Totally ignore my second message, because I wasn't sure if I wanted to flirt or not XD and I was trying to sound like not myself XD
You have the most kissable lips I've ever seen!
Anonymous
How random! :O Is this the same anon from yesterday?
Nope, I'm a different anon.
Anonymous
Hmmm well thank you. What brought that up?
I became extremely excited when I found your 'next page' button after searching for it for about a 3 minutes. And by extremely excited, I mean I spazzed out and clicked it a million times and it ended up on a page with a picture of you and my first thought was, my god is she gorgeous! My next thoughts were, wow, those piercing blue eyes and her lips are so luscious and kissable! Yup.
Anonymous
o//o I’m flattered. Uh thank you? And I am glad you found my “next” button!
Piercing blue eyes? Ohisee.
I was going to go with gorgeous blue eyes, but I would have felt redundant. Plus, there's an entire spectrum of adjectives at my fingers because of how amazing they actually are.
Anonymous
You are quite the charmer, it seems. Why are you on anonymous?
It just adds to the mystery and allure of these messages, don't you think?
Anonymous
I suppose. Do you know me? The mystery freaks me out!
I like to know things.
I will leave it be though. I suppose it’s nice to have a mystery compliment-giving anon.
Unfortunately no, I've never had the great pleasure of meeting you.
Anonymous
I like the way you talk.
Why, thank you signorina.
Anonymous
Signorina? Parlez-vous l’italie?
If only I could, it's a language I love to speak, however only context clues and my knowledge of the Spanish language allow me to partially understand what I say and read.
Anonymous
Parlez-vous espagnol?!
Mi primer idioma, señorita.
Anonymous
Qui est?
I then I said like, Te lo prometo, bellissima.
and she didn't reply, because our conversation had been long enough XD You never want to bore your followers with pure messages.
Not my shining moment, but it was fine XD I was actually going to something way more impressive in spanish, but I had to make sure google translate would know what I was saying, and if I wrote in my way, it wouldn't sound correct.
Yeah. I was feeling sort of confident XD
Anyways, she's the first person I try to flirt with in a really long time.
So there is this girl on tumblr that I have a tumblr crush on, only. I don't do the long distance thing, even if I did have a chance with this girl.
Her self-esteem has been wavering and she never sees any love from her followers.
So I decided to compliment her and to tell her something that is awesome about her. I did it on 3 separate occasions and the first time no one said anything after our her and I's anonymous conversation(me being anonymous and all). The second time someone complimented her after the girl and I spoke.
Yesterday, I straight up flirted with her, I turned on some of my charm. Yeah, I didn't know I could do that either XD I just wrote in my highly educated vocabulary that makes the english language so much sexier. And then I said something in italian, because italian is such a romantic language(and I personally love speaking it, even though I haven't a clue what I'm saying) and we had a foreign language conversation.
You know what? I'm just going to copy and past XD Much easier and faster than explaining what happened.
Totally ignore my second message, because I wasn't sure if I wanted to flirt or not XD and I was trying to sound like not myself XD
You have the most kissable lips I've ever seen!
Anonymous
How random! :O Is this the same anon from yesterday?
Nope, I'm a different anon.
Anonymous
Hmmm well thank you. What brought that up?
I became extremely excited when I found your 'next page' button after searching for it for about a 3 minutes. And by extremely excited, I mean I spazzed out and clicked it a million times and it ended up on a page with a picture of you and my first thought was, my god is she gorgeous! My next thoughts were, wow, those piercing blue eyes and her lips are so luscious and kissable! Yup.
Anonymous
o//o I’m flattered. Uh thank you? And I am glad you found my “next” button!
Piercing blue eyes? Ohisee.
I was going to go with gorgeous blue eyes, but I would have felt redundant. Plus, there's an entire spectrum of adjectives at my fingers because of how amazing they actually are.
Anonymous
You are quite the charmer, it seems. Why are you on anonymous?
It just adds to the mystery and allure of these messages, don't you think?
Anonymous
I suppose. Do you know me? The mystery freaks me out!
I like to know things.
I will leave it be though. I suppose it’s nice to have a mystery compliment-giving anon.
Unfortunately no, I've never had the great pleasure of meeting you.
Anonymous
I like the way you talk.
Why, thank you signorina.
Anonymous
Signorina? Parlez-vous l’italie?
If only I could, it's a language I love to speak, however only context clues and my knowledge of the Spanish language allow me to partially understand what I say and read.
Anonymous
Parlez-vous espagnol?!
Mi primer idioma, señorita.
Anonymous
Qui est?
I then I said like, Te lo prometo, bellissima.
and she didn't reply, because our conversation had been long enough XD You never want to bore your followers with pure messages.
Not my shining moment, but it was fine XD I was actually going to something way more impressive in spanish, but I had to make sure google translate would know what I was saying, and if I wrote in my way, it wouldn't sound correct.
Yeah. I was feeling sort of confident XD
Anyways, she's the first person I try to flirt with in a really long time.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Awkwardness
It's been ages guys! Has it really?
I don't actually know, I just blog when I start really wanting to post very lengthy posts on tumblr or facebook. Okay, tumblr because facebook is full of curious people not people who care.
Oh wow, I just checked, my last post was on May 3rd, it was a rant XD
Those are always fun.
In all honesty, I'm on here because I think I forgot to push anonymous on this playful banter between me and someone who I follow, and I'm too chicken to check. But it will help me be distracted and it inspired me to write about what happens when I'm on the brink of possible embarrassment.
I think I get a rush of pure adrenaline that shoots to my heart and my head. I get slightly light headed but with the sudden energy there's no way I could fall. And my instinct after that is, fuck it. Like the Chris from Skins fuck it.
It's the nothing bad will happen now, what does it matter? Let's have fun! What's the worst that can happen?! And I can let loose.
This has only happened once with people around me. Luckily for me I was around someone boring. It wasn't taken advantage of.
I NEVER take advantage of anything fun, I've only once just been like fuck it. Let's do it.
I'm always level headed I never attacked my best friend when I could have. I never just told people I liked them, I never just go crazy.
I think I need to go for it one day.
I don't actually know, I just blog when I start really wanting to post very lengthy posts on tumblr or facebook. Okay, tumblr because facebook is full of curious people not people who care.
Oh wow, I just checked, my last post was on May 3rd, it was a rant XD
Those are always fun.
In all honesty, I'm on here because I think I forgot to push anonymous on this playful banter between me and someone who I follow, and I'm too chicken to check. But it will help me be distracted and it inspired me to write about what happens when I'm on the brink of possible embarrassment.
I think I get a rush of pure adrenaline that shoots to my heart and my head. I get slightly light headed but with the sudden energy there's no way I could fall. And my instinct after that is, fuck it. Like the Chris from Skins fuck it.
It's the nothing bad will happen now, what does it matter? Let's have fun! What's the worst that can happen?! And I can let loose.
This has only happened once with people around me. Luckily for me I was around someone boring. It wasn't taken advantage of.
I NEVER take advantage of anything fun, I've only once just been like fuck it. Let's do it.
I'm always level headed I never attacked my best friend when I could have. I never just told people I liked them, I never just go crazy.
I think I need to go for it one day.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Pisses me off.
“this deserves a comeback.
“Lesbians like straight girls. Lesbians like straight girls because lesbians think that everyone is a little bit gay and that, with the right amount of coaxing, straight girls can be convinced that they are not so straight. Lesbians think: ‘She just hasn’t met the right woman. I am that woman.’”
Lesbians who think this are really just dissatisfied with the rest of the lesbian population. Women with this mindset are just out for the chase when there is a minute chance of a legitimate relationship with this woman. Not only will “these” lesbians get their heart broken repeatedly and spend many days moping in the dark and making videos about how depressed they are, but they give the rest of us lesbians a bad name in society. Not only do we have to deal with all the negative connotations of being gay but now we have “these” idiots that make everyone nervous that we are going to steal their girlfriends. I can not even hang out with my best friend without her boyfriend being worried about what we are doing.
So thank you, dumb asses, for going along with the thought that we are all out to convert the straight population.
Sincerely,
The committed lesbians”
^This. This is why I hate being bisexual. Just exactly this.
I hate, I absolutely HATE telling people I’m bisexual, not because I’m ashamed but I know all the shit they are going to think about me the moment I tell them.
I’ll admit I think these things too about bisexuals. That they are players and cheaters, but I catch myself and decide to give them a chance.
You think coming out of the closet is hard? Try doing it when you’re bi or pan.
Not only will you get shit from the straight people but you also get so much shit from the gay community. There is really no where for safe haven. Not only do you get the ‘being gay is a choice’ shit you get the, you can’t like women and men, that’s even more stupid than the gay thing, and you get the you either like men or women, or the you’re just lying to yourself you like women but you don’t want to let go of men, or it’s just a phase, from the GAY community.
You know how RIDICULOUS that is? Would you like to feel me? Look at my eyes dilate! Look at my leg twitch! Fucking just touch my wetness! I get turned on by men and women. And it’s getting on my FUCKING NERVES!
I mean what the fuck. You know, I actually started believing that I was just a closeted lesbian and I was just repressing these feelings. So I just completely let go of my brain’s restraints. And nope. I let go completely and guess what, still attracted to guys not just girls.
You know what’s worse about trying to come out to people you know? Or a lesbian? Or anyone? I haven’t done anything with a girl. At all.
Apparently the argument that gays make over the question, “How did you decide you were gay if you’ve never done anything with the opposite sex?” How do you know your heterosexual when you haven’t done anything with the same sex?
I guess that doesn’t fucking work with bi’s huh?
It’s so fucking frustrating!
Like, you can wait for the right guy until you fuck, but I can’t wait for the right girl to kiss and love? Fuck man!
Damn hypocritical society.
Is it that wrong to wait for the right girl? Do you just want me to fucking jump the next girl who passes me? Seriously? Do you want me to do things with someone I don’t even like? I did enough of that on the guy spectrum of things and I didn’t particularly like it.
Excuse me for trying to not fuck something up for the first time in my life.
I fucked every possible thing up I could have with a guy. Every fucking thing. If you think about it, I fucked it up. Completely and utterly.
This is why I haven’t told anyone. If they ask me I’ll tell them, as much as I’d prefer not to. I’d think the people I know would be much more accepting, but the one super out lesbian I know doesn’t believe in bisexuality, I mean what the fuck. She also finds mexican lesbians weird, but whatever, I can live with that.
I mean she;s going through her own thing. Her girlfriend is an FTM (which means she’s transitioning from female to male) and she is in a I think I love her, but what would that mean for us? thing. You’d think she’d be more accepting.
I hate people, I swear.
Is it that hard to comprehend? That it’s possible to like men and women? Is it that hard to think that sexuality is fluid? There should even be a name for it. I love people.
Fuck this man.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Flash back!
Ah! I just remembered something I dreamt last night! It was a random flashback of a dream. That’s never happened before but it’s okay!
I don’t know what I was dreaming what was happening or who the hell this person was. A little bit of background as to why my dream looked like this. I have been watching Tobuscus’s Dead Space 2 gameplay and yeah, it’s been about 50 episodes now all about 10 minutes. you do the math. And if you’ve never played DS 2 or 1 and have no idea what it looks like. It’s a very metally and plasticy blue, yellow, and orange hallway thing. Very narrow hallways.
So I was in one of those hallways, minus the crazy demons trying to kill me ever, and I was with someone else, with good lighting, and I was with this girl who was on the floor against some boxes and I knew her. She was looking down, and I was talking to her comforting her telling her something, I think she didn’t believe in herself or something. She had like…. kristen stewart type hair, but it was straight, but with her styling. it was the parted on the side shaggy straight with side swept bangs, brown. She was tannish and kind looked like Ellie (from dead space 2) before her eye was missing. But she had that tannish skin.
So here I am comforting her. And I’m like processing that I need to make her see that she’s awesome and worth it(dunno what was wrong) so I go over to her and she’s tall enough to the point where I don’t need to squat to touch her face (while she was sitting on the floor), and I sweep the hair out of her face while slightly touching her cheek, and I lean down so I can look at her closely and in this process I just decide to get down to her level so I kneel (all in one fatal swoop) and I cup her cheek and then as she continued to look down I lifted her chin and sweep her annoying bangs back out of her face and I get closer to her face and I tell her a bunch of awesome stuff, and she laughs when I move away, and I give her that look like I’m about to ask what’s so funny, and she said she thought I was going to kiss her, and I laughed. And I thought, nice to know! Because she didn’t move at all away from me in the entire process she just looked a little shocked when she looked into my sincere eyes XD
I’m awesome in my dreams, just saying XD
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