SDOS

Okay, so I've decided what I want to do with my life.

Today, in Calculus we had story time. Apparently the person who invented Barney, yes, INVENTED, like the creator of, was my teacher's favorite teacher's, the one who made him decide that he wanted to become a calculus teacher, wife.

Through a very unique set of events she had the opportunity to create Barney.

The moral of the story was that you have to have the courage to do what you want, because you have to love what you do, and you have to fight to do it. You must have the courage to do what you want, you always have to go towards the goal even if the goal seems far fetched.

His teacher and his teacher's wife had their first date at a washateria.

Now, I've been going round and round in my mind in what I should study in college. I've been toying with the idea of being a music educator, but if I were to go into that I would almost have to study at the University of North Texas, because every director I've ever had and respected has studied there. Now, it is so freaking ridiculous to get in to the school of music, it is just stupid competitive, and now I play the flute, I have the unfortunate disadvantage of having cut throat competition, so I was terrified of trying and not making it. Like working so fucking hard just to be disappointed.

In class today I saw, I just have to go for it.

I want to be a music educator, it scares the shit out of me because I want to be an influence in the lives I interact with and I want to share my love for music with them all, and I'm afraid of doing something tragically wrong. I can't let that stop me though, so I'm not, I won't.

It's too late for me to apply to the School of Music at UNT, but I wouldn't want to go, I'm not prepared.

I know what I'll do though, in a matter of 30 minutes today I made my plan for the next 6 or 8 years of my life.

I will go to the school that gives me the best deal for my freshman year, I'll get a bank student loan and I'll buy my own good flute and I will practice everyday for at least 2 hours getting better so I'll be worthy of UNT.

I will probably go to Marietta College and I'll join the Women's Choir, try out for the good mixed choir, join the concert band and try out for the good band (which I probably won't get into). I will dedicate my freshman year to music. My life will revolve around it. I will take Music Theory and Aural Skills and such and then my sophomore year I'll try to transfer over to UNT. I can get into that college, it's a matter of getting accepted to the school of music. But I will, I will fight to be the best flute player. I will be the best. I expect nothing less from myself, because I wouldn't feel adequate if I'm not the best.

If in Marietta I'm not the number one flute I'll just have to practice more and harder to become the best.

I'm not that type of person who needs to be the best at anything, it's not my nature to fight for things. Flute's are cut throat bitches because they must be the best.

My hidden nature is that. I will have to embrace it to survive. It will have to be my life. A selfish bitch that only looks out for herself, but I'll play nice with the others so I can get what I want when needed. It's the flute culture. That's how we all are. We play nice and are 'friends' but our minds are always, I'm better than you bitch stop acting like you are even CLOSE to my level, or... you;re better than me, but I sure as hell won't act like you are, I'm weeks of practice away from getting to your level watch out bitch, you have a target on your back and I'm going for the bull's eye. You can ask any flute player, and if they say it's not like that, they either suck so much they've lost hope and they don't think it's possible to catch up, or they are dirty little liars.

I'll have to be the cut throat bitch to get better, unfortunately, but if that's what it takes to motivate myself to be better and become worthy of UNT, I'll fucking do it. There is no point in doing anything half-assed so I'm going for the gold.

It sounds really horrible, like, WHY WOULD YOU EVER DO THAT TO YOURSELF?!

You do strange things when you want to be great at what you do. I'm way behind, play ability wise, so I really need to practice, I need to practice every day for hours when I'm in college, I will eat sleep live music. I will sing during all my free time, I will always have a pack of caffeine pills with me (which I'm going to buy and try this upcoming Monday) so I'll be able to do homework too. I will listen to music the rest of the time.

I love music enough to want to do that with my life. I want to do that. I would love for my life to revolve around music. It probably sounds radical when I say that. It really isn't. It would be normal. 24 hours in a day and I can't imagine anything better than attending 5 hours of music courses, 2 hours of basics, 3 hours of practice, 2 hours of rehearsal, 2 hours of choir rehearsal, 2 hours of voice practice, 2 hours of voice and flute lessons, 1 hour for personal stuff, 3 hours for homework, most of which being music and listening to music. These are all very rough estimations, but why would I spend my time doing anything else? Watching T.V.? Reading(well yes in my free time)? Social networks? Partying(Only on weekends, if I have time)? Video games(Only on weekends or when I'm so beyond stressed)?

I'd rather do music. Depending on what time my first class starts, I'l jog around campus, I'll take a shower, eat(maybe) all while listening to music, get an hour of practice in, do some some homework, then go to class awake and ready to rock. When my classes are done, or if I have a large gap between classes I'll get some voice practice in, then go to my next class or rehearsal and afterwards I'll practice (depending how late the school is open), I'll eat, and then I'll do my homework, then sleep!

That's what I plan on my life being at least my freshman year, maybe a little less hardcore on practice or maybe more, my basics will pretty much be over with after freshman year, so I'll have more time to learn music stuff, and hopefully have an easy time with it.

I'm ready honestly. All I've ever wanted to do is to have music be the center of my life and now it will be.

The hardest thing, will be telling Gil I'm not going to Baylor.

Also! I totally am now a firm believer of the Six Degrees of Separation theory.