That day I think it was like Saturday or Sunday, maybe Monday, when I was going off on a depressive tangent, I was kind of on complete edge.

I'm already extremely anxious at all times, I even shake. I don't know why. I've never had anxiety It's just not something I have. Apparently I'm getting it. Kinda sucks.

Anyways. That day I was like beyond calming myself down, I would have just gone on a complete and total craze that would just not stop. I needed to sleep but I knew I wouldn't be able to. My mind wouldn't be able to shut the fuck up. So I did the one thing I knew would take my mind off of it, make me feel amazing, and have me lose myself in a different world.

I cut, a few times so the sensation wouldn't wear off until I would fall asleep.

I didn't think much of it, I just knew I needed it.

Then another day in the middle I did it again because I was stressed.

I'm extremely stressed and anxious all the time. It just goes through the roof at night. In my hours of thinking.

I try not to think and to be calm, it never works. I'm beyond the repair of music.

Even now I'm anxious and on the verge of a massive nervous breakdown, really.

Because I can't do anything about what I'm anxious about and I'm close to just giving up on everything and just becoming a fucking hobo.

So yesterday I didn't know what to do I was a fucking state. I needed to drink, I needed to party, I needed to do drugs, I needed to do something to get myself away from reality.

I cut again. This time deeper, not ridiculous, but on my thigh area below my hip. It becomes a bit more painful, or more intense pain for me.

It really got me out of my head. I did it I think 3 times. It was great. It sincerely got my mind off of everything going on.

I'm just not used to not being able to control things. I can deal with rejection from other people, not my parents.


SO!

Yes, not in the greatest of mental states at the moment, but that's just me.