Pop music is not a crime

I hate the very thought of him! So why the hell can't I just forget him?! Why do I have to be in 4 classes with him?! I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, and if not that I really dislike him, but I hate him! But it's like an icy hot hate. I can't even describe it, what I'm saying probably makes no sense, but oh well, it's helter skelter. I have a major rage that surges through my body when he's close to me or when I even see him, if he were close to me the first days after the fall out I'm pretty sure I would have severely hurt him. Even thinking of him pisses me off. Seeing his idiot face any where makes me want to destroy it. He thinks he's all that, but he's an idiot. I don't understand why he even thinks he knows anything. Especially at lunch! He tells someone else to shut up because he THINKS he knows what someone is thinking, but he is 100% WRONG. I haven't met anyone as dense as him EVER. And I've known several idiots in my days.

Ugh, I know you must be wondering why I can't just not be near him, but all my friends are his friends. Both of us know all our opinions over our friends, we know every thing about each other(even though he thinks I'm a selfish bitch), we know the good and bad of each other. And we REALLY have to be far away from each other, because I can still feel that idiot connection we had formed over the months, and I know he can to because I still know what the fuck he's feeling, much to my dismay. It's not a clean cut for either of us, even though he's acting as though it is. What infuriates me the most, though, is that I know that if he comes back and tells me that he misses our talks or anything like that, or even gives me that look, I would take him back as a friend in a heart beat. And that just pisses me off. I WANT to hate him to my core, but I can't. I'm not totally innocent but I was willing to make it work. FUCK IT

So in other new, I'm totally liking Cesium, though I really don't want to, because I still have that crush on Dysprosium, that one needs to leave already, it's been months already. After Thorium, I really don't want to like anyone, especially friends, and especially when I am so not in the mood. Not to mention Holmium, I don't even know what is going through that mind.

This whole week has been a DRAG! I've just wanted to go anywhere but this house and just hang out, or run (so far away! XP). I just feel like sitting on my windows ledge and smoking in the middle of night/morning. Or even reverting back to my old ways. Or talking to Actinium and exchanging for him to get me some booze. I am so over safety and my well being, once all this school shit is over with I really want to go mad.

Now that There is gone, I really don't feel like moving to another game, I have accounts to them, but it's like starting over, and I really don't want to. To be honest I do miss Calcium, she was a really good friend, but she's happy now and I'm happy for her, she's overcome a lot. The rest of them will live with out me, but me and Calcium were close.

I need to clean my ceiling fan, now that I look at it XD

I am determined to forget that friendship, maybe not everything, but this dwelling in the past thing is not cool (referring to bastard)

I hope he quits band. I don't want to deal with him if I become section leader.

So yeah, school is a major drag. It would make anyone go crazy. I'm almost 100% sure I'm pretty much clinically depressed. More than half my friends are pretty suckish. I need another bastard, minus the bastard trait or at least a less of a bastard.

Tomorrow I have to go see my father's mother, yeah I know my 'grandmother' but when I imagine that, I imagine an old lady or even youngish old lady talking to you being nice telling you happy stories or life lesson stories. The lady I got stuck with is a drunk who honestly just needs to die, she raised a bunch of drunks and a very separated family that doesn't know love. That whole family sucks. And my technically not uncle. He was married to my blood related aunt, but now they are separated bordering on divorce, he's pretty cool, but technically not family and just a waste of time to go visit. I get to waste my day seeing them, I'll only have the night to myself, and tomorrow maybe a tipping point, as it is turning out to be.

STUPID RUNAWAYS MOVIE IS COMING OUT ON FRIDAY BUT NO WHERE IN HOUSTON, THE CLOSEST PLACE IS 140.5 MILES AWAY IN AUSTIN!!! STUPID AUSTIN!!! NOW I HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE STUPID DVD IF NO ONE RECORDS IT!

So Dysprosium, sigh, a cool person, but a little young for my taste, but eh. I just don't want to like. But whatever, it'll go away, eventually, hopefully. Oooo, my cable is acting all bitchy. It has a bad picture and is blacking out, making me miss the end of Ace of Cakes!!!

It's 2:30 a.m. where I live, I don't even feel that tired, I've reached that point of where you're tired but you've been awake so long you're getting your second wind.

Thorium has this thing about smoking, he does it. I gave him a pack of my moms, and he totally loved me for it. But man, I really don't want to give it a chance, lol, since my mother does it I really don't want to try it. Alcohol, on the other hand, is something I can't wait to have. Thorium always said he was going to get me some, but he never kept his word. Neither did Actinium. People suck. Thorium did offer to acquire some drugs for me, but nah. I don't really want to smoking/injecting ones. I'm pretty sure I'll be more of a pill person. And I'm not a fan of those cheap drugs, at least the weed my cousin had was of better class(she knew the person who she got them from personally). But yeah. I love Ace of Cakes. It's awesome.

Jeez my mother is a bitch, telling me to fall asleep. I could care less when I sleep, the days will all just mesh together in the long run in the end. What ev