Sunday, March 21, 2010

roar

So, I didn't do any of my homework XD

I'll do it today, oh wait it's still not 12, tomorrow then.

I have a win of the day today!

So my email address is coexistppl-@hotmail.com

The only reason I put the dash there was because someone already had coexistppl@hotmail.com

So I'm tired of not getting all my emails because colleges are idiots (now that's irony) and they can't comprehend the dash at the end of my email, so I decided to check if the person still had that email or if they got fed up with all my missed emails. Well! imagine my happiness to find the email FREE, so it's mine now! Yay! So now I get the email regardless! I think all my misguided emails drove mystery person crazy and left the email behind! Yay!!!

So that was my little moment of win.

Dude I can't sleep XD I took a shower too late! Oh well. Um... my day was mediocre, I didn't really get anything accomplished.

Let's see... nothing... I want an electric guitar. But idk if I want to learn it! lol. maybe one day, I'll try it in college when I don't care for it anymore.

I want ramen!!! I want some!!! Hm... okay. I have nothing to say about my day and it seems like my mother won't bother me to sleep anytime soon. So I am going to rant about Bastard. You can totally ignore the ending of this message.

So me and him had been friends since 6th grade. He was a new type of person, and it was cool. We went to different middle schools, so I didn't talk to him, because we lived far away from each other, his parents were strict, he didn't have internet or a phone. So we didn't really talked we started high school and we were friends again, but he was different. But still my friend, but he was obsessed with the female race, so he dated like mad, and ended up on one, who he ended up dumping either way. So, we became better friends in 10th grade when he started dating my sort of friend. So we all talked and hung out in the fireworks warehouse. But that's another drama, point is we became good friends, I didn't believe in best friends. So in the summer he had a good internet connection so we IMed all the time. It was great. We became super close, he was the second one I told about my change in sexuality. And, we really were good friends, I literally told him everything and he told me everything. During band camp we always talked and played around, we no lie or bull shit, had a solid connection I swear, I really think he was as close to a soul mate as I'm going to get. During school we were pretty awesome. We had ALWAYS fought like dogs though! We really fought a lot, at least once a day. And sometimes it would get really intense. lol. We would talk everyday, until the end. I remember once in Winter break I think, he called me to say good night(which he would always do almost everyday unless Tungsten would keep him until bed) and we would text and he would randomly call me and I would answer and we would talk for ever. Once he was really tired, but I kept him on the line with my elementary experience, and funny things I had figured out and how I wasn't totally bsing when I said I was bi, because I talked about girls to him a lot, that he thought I went all teh was to lesbian, but he was a guy, and he would get all awkward when I talked about liking a guy, or thinking this guy was hot, or about my ex's. So I told him about that girl in pre-K and things like that. And he told me a lot of things too. Man. We had really good talks. But we were getting stressed about school and he and Tungsten were getting a lot of problems. So he was really being a douche because he was tired, I understand, but after a while it gets really tiring, and I had to do everything, I had to talk first the only thing he always hugged me first though, that's about it. So idk. We were both fed up, and we had a really intense fight and I fell asleep rather than deal with it, and (Oh great, only this bastard could make me cry lol) we just didn't talk the next day, or teh next or that week or the week after that, and we just didn't talk, until he asked why I stopped talking to him, and I told him, it was because I really was tired of making the first move. And after a long conversation we started talking again. It was different though, I was hurt because of teh past, it reminded me too much of teh ppast and he was more worried about Tungsten and himself than me really. But we did argue a lot that we weren't the same. Until he just blew up. I was at physics tutorials for UBMS 6-8p.m. and he texted me saying hi, and I replied but only slowly. because I was doing work and I was really was not in teh mood that day. And he didn't care enough, or worried enough about me so he didn't deserve to know about my friend who I had jus found out was in the hospital because of her problem, he didn't deserv to know that. So I didn't tell him about it, and he was mad at me for not going in depth about this dream he had, it was really insignificant. But idk. He got mad at me, and after that he just really started yelling at me through text about stupid little things, I wasn't fueling it at all, because when he's stressed he does that sometimes, but this time I couldn't put out the fire. He just kept getting mad and angry, and he was just looking for a fight and I wasn't going to play that game, but after hours of it I just got pissed, I didn;t know whether or not to ask my friend why she was in teh hospital(even though I had already guessed it) and I was trying to not panic about a test the next day (physics) and my mother was being a bitch, and I just snapped and I began telling him that he was just trying to find a fight, and that he wasn't a little angel, and that if he didn't want this friendship to continue to just say so and stop talking to me. And he did. He yelled a few more texts, and he just stopped. And I was just fed up. And we haven't talked since. I haven't even looked at him in the face since then, only in my friends stupid picture she has as her profile pic on facebook, and I don't look at it, it just catches me off guard, especially when she had just gotten it. God I hate her for having that as her pic, you think she would be considerate, but she's one of those shitty friends I was talking about before. And I really miss him, like real talk (XP)

So, yeah, but I'm not going to mend the friendship. I can't do that again. I broke another rule by staying friends with him after the first fight. So I'm not going to mend the relationship. I hope I find someone I can confide in like that. Holmium has been very close to me ever since though, so a good has come from the bad, or for my nerd side that is begging me to write down, Like when Fawkes burst into flame and she is reborn from the ash. I know! I'm a nerd! So I will slowly get over him. XD

I also realize that I made a really long paragraph, again, but the point of that is if they really want to know, they'll read it. Because it's easier to find things if it's all separated and you have to know it was KILLING ME on the inside to not separate my ideas, it goes against my english grammar and organizational skill XP

Posted like 17 hours late XD My internet died last night! Not my fault!

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