Internet Explorer sucks, Naomi?

I was looking at my blog stats a few seconds ago because I broke 3,000 blog views today on this particular blog. It's pretty cool. I mean, I obviously don't do this for the views since this is literally just me ranting about my life. Nothing special about it. Anyways, I was looking at the stats and dear god. What are some of you guys DOING! I think the percentage was 51% of people who have viewed my blog were using Internet Explorer. What? Guys, guys... GUYS! There are bigger and better things out there for you. IE should be your last resort browser. Seriously. For a casual internet user Chrome is the way to go, if you love all the extra toolbar crap from IE, Firefox can give you that toolbar fix at a much more efficient speed. At this day and age it's really not acceptable for someone to wait so long for their browser to function. I'm not talking about Internet connection, I'm talking just the damned window opening on your computer and being available to use. I mean, IE has been trying to reform and get better and I haven't set up IE so that it won't annoy me every time I need it because a virus attacked my other browser or some idiot decided the demographic of their website hits were IE users and refused to format it with Chrome or Firefox. Seriously web designers and developers and/or whoever else deals with that stuff, don't be dicks. Let the people use your website on at least firefox. Only IE is really just cruel and unusual punishment. Anyways, so if you're reading this RIGHT NOW and you are using Internet Explorer or you are a Mozilla Firefox user and you've never tried Chrome, go download Chrome. I'll even do you a favor I'll link you www.google.com/chrome BAM! No excuses, just copy and paste. I'd link it link it but my mother's laptop cannot handle running VLC, Chrome, and microsoft word. "It's too much, it can't handle it" As my friend Katie would put it. So... I haven't actually spoken to ANYONE from Marietta in the past 2 months. I've had a few conversations with Katie, but that's about it and even then she started them. It's not that I don't want to speak to them, it's just in the summer and thinking about Marietta it's usually about money. And the topic of money always just makes my entire being hurt. It's like my heart drops every time I think about what I have left to pay before I can go back. It seriously makes me want to cry. I don't because crying over money just sort of means the system has beaten me. So, none of that. I'll be okay next Thursday. I'll have my check of maybe $300 at least. I did the math after I worked 22 hours in two days. I can't remember though. But with those $300 I can pay to get my PLUS loan again. Then I'll check my marietta page and see what I need to pay and do that, then get my plane ticket, then call the school to see if they can pick me up from the airport and how much that will cost and how I'll pay it. I will ask Cheyenne how she did it last year too, that'll help. But I can't do any of that right now when I have no money. I will just end up breaking down if I imagine it all when I only have $1 in my account right now. At least it's not in the negatives any more. But this means I have no funds for an instrument. At all. I'm going to look into like a rent to buy system once I have a job up in Marietta. hopefully I will have the spanish conversation tables and maybe I'll sell my soul and life to do the phone a thon where I just bother alumni for money. You know. I realize that this entire ordeal is going to some how teach me some lesson about money and worth and shit, but honestly all I am learning right now is that my thoughts about money have always been true. It's not worth it and money is evil and it brings out the worst in people. And it's never done me any favors. It has brought me nothing but pain and agony and I'm sure my life will continue this way until I have a steady income and I learn how to read stocks and invest in them for the most profit on my part. At this point it's the only thing I see getting me through the insane debt I'm going to have when I get out of college. I mean I can hope to get a job at a high end private school and get paid a shit ton of money, but my heart won't be in it. I want to work in a public school with under priviledged kids. Even if I can't spell the word correctly and even if I am too lazy to spell check it. Maybe something great will happen in my life and I'll gain a good income from something else I love to do along with teaching. Lottery maybe? I don't know. I hate talking about money on here because that just ends up in me sounding all sulky and rage-y. But I refuse to talk to anyone about it in person. It just makes me feel helpless, all my friends in Marietta have a good thing going when it comes to money because of their parents having good jobs. And here it just makes me feel a bit helpless. Like I haven't seen or spoken to my friends in the longest and I'm just going to talk to them about my money problems especially when a lot of them want me to go to school some where down here. Then I think about that. Coming to school down here. I would like to ideally go to UNT. But there are so many possible issues with that. For example, music education students with a concentration in Band need to take I believe 3 semesters of marching band. And I have none. At all. That's an extra year or 2 I would have to stay in college. Granted, I could probably get that minor in whatever I wanted in that time since I would have most if not all of my music classes over with along with gen eds. Since UNT is also a liberal arts school. I'm going to have to do a lot of research into it. I'm probably going to audition and submit my application to them, but I am really going to have to think it over. I also have to get my GPA up to a 3.0 if I'm going to get them to take me seriously. Higher than that ideally. But there's only so much I can do withj a 2.3 almost 4 GPA. I know I fucked that up. I think about it a lot when I'm npt busying myself with other things or distracting myself. Like in teh shower when you get all deep and philosophical. It's funny, because a lot of people I have convinced that I don't give a damn about school and my grades and assignments. I do actually. I care a little too much. I laugh a lot when I read Naomily (Naomi and Emily from Skins UK) fanfictions because the premise is usually Naomi realizing she has feelings for Emily, stepping into that territory and either immediately running away because she's afraid about what she feels or later on there is some problem that occurs with Emily straining the relationship between the two and Naomi running because she loves Emily too much and it scares her how much Emily makes her feel and she is afraid of her heart being broken because it will probably break her as a person at that point and she can't handle that pressure. I laugh, because that's me. It's so pathetic but that's me to a tee. It's never happened to me in a relationship because I haven't let myself get into anything like that in years. But there's reason for me doing it. I mean they are terrible reasons in retrospect since there are plenty of people who grow stronger from things like that. The first I remember was small and it only affected me slightly, but it started the movement. My 2nd grade teacher was flipping amazing. I can't even describe how many doors she opened for me and all the things I learned and that have shaped me into who I am now. But, she left the school forever when my class finished the year. I haven't seen or heard from her since that summer. I was slightly devastated but I understood why, but she was the first teacher I ever actually showed my personality and I wasn't just the ideal quiet child because I was afraid if I was myself I would be rejected and get in trouble for being myself. (Understanding my reluctance for accepting a lot of things about myself now, aren't you readers. It's a deep seeded fear) After her, my grandfather died two years later, or maybe a year and a half later from that point. That was a mind fuck though I didn't realize it until later when I didn't see him. You know the story by now. But he was the one person who I felt loved me unconditionally. I mean, my parents loved me but they are my parents and they are required to love me due to brain stuff. But my grandfather had a choice to not like me. Just like every other adult in my life. But he loved me. He always showed me that when he would do these little things for me and not my other cousins when we visited him. The way he looked and talked to and about me was just pure love. It was not really something I experienced from family over here since my "grandmother" on my fathers side and his entire family are a bunch of douche bags. I never felt that from them. But anyways. That broke me. I was broken beyond repair. His death broke my heart. It broke my will, it broke my essential being. I didn't even know who I was at the end of my grief. I couldn't go through that again, yeah? My brain went into self preservation mode. So I had 3 shallow, meaningless relationships when I was getting over the grieving. Of course there was Rubie, but I was so encased in bubble wrap at that point and time in my life that I didn't even notice the obvious. That was the first real reason I run away when something begins to me the world to me. I can't handle the heart break or rejection. The next heart break was the first time Gil and I broke our friendship. Man, that was seriously like a knife just stabbing my heart and then moving the knife around when it was still imbedded in me. He was the first person I let in after, I think Logan and we all know how great that turned out. Let's just say, I'm glad 8th grade ended when it did. I was so heart broken that I was just numb. And the only thing I felt were just dull pangs in my heart when ever Gil was mentioned or when something reminded me of Gil or anything surrounding Gil. That was just, I don't know. That broke me. I was done with letting anyone in at that point. I think Karen was my best friend at that point and she helped me through that and her and Twin set it up so Gil and I would talk again. I could have killed them when I first found out, but it worked out, yeah? Man. I think I bad mouthed Twin some in this blog. Hopefully she never read that stuff, her or Karen. Yeesh. But yeah, I was done. After Karen became a douche after Japan, I was really done. The next person I let in was Miguel. And I just created a situation that I knew would cause issues in which I would be able to push him away and I wouldn't get hurt and he would hate me rather than risk him hurting me. We all know how that worked out. I mean, it worked, but I felt like well shit after that. It just wasn't broken. I laugh when I think about those who don't think I care about college. I care a little too much. Because I deflect and I push it all away. Because I will be devastated if I'm not up to par. I am fucking terrified that I will commit myself completely into it and that I won't be able to do it. Essentially that I will fail. So I push it away. I runaway from it. I create situations in which I will fail something or only do something half assed, because I know that it wasn't my best and I got exactly what I expected. It's fucked up right? I'm just like Naomi. Except she did it to the love of her life, and I'm doing it to my career. I don't know if this falls under the same category as being afraid to fail or if it would be considered something more since I am afraid of the pain. It's such a shit excuse. I know that, because I've read at least 10-20 Naomily stories that run under the same premises and I think Naomi is an idiot because there is no way Emily would break her heart. She would rather die. But I can sympathize because that's me in a nutshell. I'm such a cliche. In this same sense I'm scared of letting anyone in my life anymore and I'm scared of starting a relationship. I doubt I'll find anyone to start a relationship in Marietta, considering I go to school and live in two drastically different locations. I also have psychoanalyzed why I suck at interacting with people in Marietta. Because I was basically a closeted lesbian. I didn't announce my sexual orientation to anyone but I played the straight girl. So, I didn't know how to interact with girls because I prematurely didn't want them to think I was hitting on them or anything. I didn't want to make them feel uncomfortable. Though, they had no idea. I didn't know how to interact with guys, because I was supposed to like them or be attracted to them, but I'm basically one of the guys, except I only like soccer a lot and I watch X games, track and field, and gymnastics recreationally. But I digress. It's not so much I'm afraid of them finding out I'm gay and they'll react badly. It's that I don't want to find out that people I thought were worth knowing are actually total homophobic douche bags. That's the part I don't like. Anyways. This has turned out longer than I wanted it to be! So the moral of the story? Internet Explorer is the lame hipster of the browser group and Chrome is the new kid with the awesome IDGAF style. And we found out that I am Naomi in a nutshell.