Summer, J. Travolta, Politics, and 18-Wheeler Energy Resources

Today's driving sucked. Weather sucked. I'm tired too, but that's not going to be the point to today. So, today I had a training session with some other people at my store along with some people from another store. We got together and learned about DISH. Not the most exciting ever. It was informative and kind of like a last minute AP test session that a teacher has the day before the test after school. It was like that, except we learned all the information in that cram session. It was not fun, but I bonded with my store, so that was nice. Anyways, there was this girl who was doing a full load this summer along with having an internship and a job at blockbuster. And I was wondering if I was just bumming around this summer. I mean, last school year was terrible for me. I had a full load with an even more cluttered mind. I mean I can't do anything now. Maybe I should have taken classes this summer? I don't know. This summer has done me really well. When I'm not talking or communicating to my mother, I've been getting better. Granted instead of unhappy I'm angry, which I guess is unhappy too, since "un-" means not and it's not happy. But, I'm actually laughing now. Like, legitimately laughing. Not just forced laughter or something that was amusing but didn't really do anything for me. I didn't really realize it until I started laughing when I was reading fanfiction or watching a youtube video. It was different and I even laugh differently. It's so weird. Like... it's been a while. I have a different personality and it's really weird. Usually when I am different in any aspect, is because I decided to make that change, I decided that I needed to change this or that about myself to become more likeable or less attractive or more attractive. It's weird that I'm finally... more normal? And by normal I mean, my feelings aren't completely going bat shit crazy and making me feel not good. I think I needed this summer. I needed it to level out. And I have. I'm still angry and still scared shitless and not at all supported by my parents towards my wants. It's one thing for my parents to try and help me, try being the key word, go to college but not support what I want to do with my life. You know! I am a bit disheartened. I am not really sad about it, I'm just kind of disheartened. So, I was talking to my mom yesterday when I was making food my mom talked about John Travolta no longer being her favorite actor, she can only appreciate his acting now, and barely that now. So, I can respect that you know, I'm not the biggest fan of John Travolta, I don't really like a lot of his new stuff. And by new I mean like last decade. But, the point is that she made this decision and I asked her why and she said it's because he's gay. Now, it was like a pang in my heart. It didn't hurt, it was just like a very very small version of the feeling of your heart dropping or stomach dropping. I was like, he's not gay mom. Playing it cool as always. But she was like, no he was on the news and they were talking about soliciting men and had a sexual assault case against him from a man. I was like, mom, come on. But... I mean. I wasn't planning on coming out to my mom. Any time soon, or ever. She's old enough to where I could get away with it. But... I was starting to settle into being so extremely comfortable with my sexuality that I thought my mom knew. I don't hide it TOO much, but I don't flaunt it. I'm really weary about it now. I don't really understand why she is so against it. One of her favorite nephew's is gay and I've never heard her talk down about the gay community. But, the way she said it was like she was spitting venom, like it was disgusting just saying a syllable of it. Unfortunately I am not extremely happy with my mother and father right now. It's culmination of them not supporting my love of music or goinng to school in Ohio, actually loving it in OH. And her constant want for money. I feel like that's all I am to her. When she sees me all she thinks is money. And I can't stand it. It doesn't help that I loathe money. You might think that's weird if you've heard my stance in politics. But, in an ideal world I would like it to be socialist in the way where we trade goods and services. Kind of like in The Host where you go into a store and just grab what you need and walk back out, but you make the food or are a doctor or you are something productive in the world. Making it all fair. But that's in a world that isn't lead by pride, gluttony and greed. Realistically in this world you can only be functional if you are on a rugged individualism role. There isn't a place for socialism in this world and I think that's been proven time and time again. Like Obamacare, personally I'm going to benefit from it and so is my family. But in the large scheme of things it's stupid. The only reason my family is doing badly is because they were irresponsible with their money and they were entranced by the idea of "free money" otherwise known as credit cards, while not having two working family members in a 3 person family. It's because of that and ignorance that they have failed in this society and the same can be said for thousands of families around the nation and world. All Obamacare will decrease death rates and maybe even raise birth rates. But the latter is a wild card, with Planned Parenthood not going through the best of times and the idea of contraception is being attacked slightly. This type of socialist acts isn't going to help the nation in the long run. Ever since FDR our country has believed that everything will have a quick fix and if you can't change it within a year, you are a terrible leader and it's time to hate you. We as a nation feel privileged and that we deserve a quick handout to fix the economy. While then ignoring everything that actually is destroying the nation and world that is also lead by corporate greed. And we feed it but the population is too dense to realize what kind of corporations they are supporting when buying store items and what good companies that are actually out there are struggling through our self induced, what in the future may look like Greece, depression. It's a shame that we have so many issues as a nation, but we decide to tackle the easier problems, such as social issues rather than actual issues that could help change the corporate world as we know it. It's dumb really. Coal mining, oil pumping, natural gas, fracking. It's all stupid and unnecessary. And will be obsolete in a few decades. We need new solutions and to store energy to be tranferred when our energy levels are getting low. I can only hope that we are. Anyways. Moral of the story. Being boxed in by several 18 wheelers next to a freeway sucks so bad. My mother may hate gay people. The world as we know it sucks ass. Have a Good Day guys and thanks for reading.