Emotional Conscience

I just spent the last 6 hours reading a fanfiction that was ridiculously long. And half way through I realized that it wasn't a finished story. I couldn't let it go though, I was already hooked. Then I realized it was last updated late last month, so I thought I was fucked. As I started nearing the end I saw that the author was talking about there only being a few chapters left, so I thought the auhtor just forgot to make the story "completed". I start reading the last chapter and it is enormous. I regain my hopes and dreams that this story is actually completed. I am literally bawling my eyes out as I am finishing the story. I am helpless by the last paragraph and I can't stand it. And lo and behold. There is ONE, yes, ONE more chapter left. The author said 2 weeks max. It's been three. I am a bloody mess and the author only has ONE chapter left. The author said most of the last chapter was already written. I am so sad. I can't even be angry because I just want to cry. The entire story was a freaking roller coaster of feelings and the ending might as well killed me. I have become quite a sucker for romance and love and all that shit. Needless to say I think I have become a hopeless romantic. Holy fuck is it frustrating. That and now I am more accostummed to sayign things like "birds" and "arse" and "fanny" and "mate" and stuff like that. I also say bro a lot. It's a bit frustrating. But it's just what my mind has read over and over again that it is natural now. Kinda lame. I'm a lot more confident now. Legitimately confident, not just acting until I believe it, which I used to do a lot. I really feel like a baby in the sense that everything is new to me again and I need to learn how to do everything again, when it comes to emotions. I feel like a have a clean slate. Like, I get hot under the collar and I start sweating when I do something questionable. I've never done that. Ever. I would never have any obvious physical symptoms of lying or doing something questionable. I was always a convincing liar and I could steal things with out batting an eye. It's kind of frustrating, but I don't know if it's something I really want to get again. I don't knwo if I want that skill set readily available to me. It's a lesser of two evils moment. I just don't know which one would be the lesser evil in a non-literal sense, because obviously stealing and lying is frowned upon, but those skills sometimes are needed. I don't know. I haven't decided. I'll see when I start school. Like, If I do go with lying, I will go all out and get back to the skill level of like expert not master, but expert. I don't want to just be novice, because there's no point it's all or nothing. I'm just kind of scared. We'll see I guess, because it does get annoying, me and my stupid conscience.