Honey Badger Love.

So, as many of you know, I'm not really a romantic. I've never had a reason to believe in love. To me love was just functional. It wasn't really a feeling. Now, before I continue, don't freak out, I'm not in love. I don't even like anyone right now. So, this is not coming from someone who is drowning in the ecstasy of love. Love was just this thing that was part of life. Like being friends with people. Love was pain. And love was just being content with life. It was what made an equilibrium. As far as I was concerned you were living less than your potential if you weren't in love. I wasn't like other people who thought of it as blasting off to planet Saturn and disappearing romantically to the stars (calm down, it's just a metaphor. I know the consequences of leaving the safety of the earth's atmosphere) I used to think that love was experienced by everyone because everyone reached that equilibrium, and if they didn't it was just cruel of our creator. Hence another reason for not believing that we really had a creator because it's painfully obvious that not everyone gets to realize true love. Now... because of reading stories by a woman pen named Hyperfitched, I have a forever changed sense of what love is. I think I have become a hopeless romantic. I can't even be mad at her. I probably will be later. Now... I'm not lying when I say that my personality when it comes to my approach to life is the same as the fictional character of Naomi from Skins UK. I really hate to admit it, but I'm really cynical in my outlook of life. I'm sarcastic in my comments when I'm with people I'm comfortable with. Also, I'm almost 100% sure I would react the same way as she did. You know what, scratch that. I will most likely react the same way she did to love. Except I won't have the freak out about the prospect of being gay. I've already set sail to that ship. I'm just hoping the person I fall so unbearably in love with will be patient with me. Because I'm going to be a damn mess. I will be scared shitless if love really is falling fast and hard for someone and having all these feelings but then being reduced to nothing but quick simple short thoughts. That will scare me shitless. Feeling that much will scare me shitless. Feeling anything at all will probably scare me shitless. I've lived the past 5 to 6 years of my life feeling nothing but pain and barely unfer the equilibrium. My entire aging and developing as a person was shrouded by denial, anger, and such an intense sadness that it ruled my every thought. So, if the concept of "happy" scared me into another round of a stasis where I was in numb, and took me a few months to snap myself out of that. I'm really scared to see what feeling love will be like. That's just a disaster waiting to happen. Holy fuck... I'm genuinly scared now. I've never really thought about it that way. Shit... I'm scared. Well... Fuck.