Faraway Crazy

Man, so I really make absolutely no effort to speak to my friends. I am such a dick. I think about it a lot. Considering my work is really mind numbingly repetitive. I think about a lot of things. Nothing to intensive since I tend to speak about the things on my mind. It's probably why my social skills suck. My mind wanders on my stance in the world and what I believe and what I want in the world and how some people are dicks, and why they are dicks, what made them dicks, what people do. I try not to dwell on the personal lives of people, because working at blockbuster you get attached to certain customers. I know I have my favorites that I'm getting attached to. And if you haven't noticed, I don't like getting attached to people. It's my natural instinct now to not let people in. Whether it was because I didn't want the rejection after telling them I was gay, or because I knew I was flaky and I would never speak to them when I was living in a completely different state. Maybe Gil and Karen broke me for friendships. Maybe Kristine was the last strand. I don't know. I do know that I don't trust people. The closest I've come to actually making an actual friend that I am willing to let inside in Katie. And I love Katie's family to bits. Even if they are a bit on the conservative side of things. I mean, Julianne would have been a good candidate if it weren't for her being so closed off and innocent, and then getting a boyfriend. That put a stop to that. Adaline also a good candidate. I mean she knows me pretty well on a different level because we know each other in a way that not a lot of people can relate to, or maybe they choose not to, but we have a connection on a different level. I'm sure that if we had met under different circumstances we would have been close friends, but the stars were not aligned in that way. Anyways, other than destroying the spelling of my friend's name, I am determined that my sophomore year of college will be a shit ton better. I don't have unrealistic expectations anymore, I think they are a bit more grounded, and more importantly, I am willing to let myself know people. Cool people are hiding on campus, I just have to find them first. Also, I'm determined to not lie about being gay. I am determined to just go with the flow. Unlike when my coworker asked me if I was. I failed that test, but it was because I don't know if it's appropriate for the work place. I mean, I won't feel awkward. But others might. I know 2 of my coworkers will be okay with it, hell maybe even three, but the others are a toss up. I just need to keep a steady job and I'd rather stay ignorant about the stances on anything homosexual that my coworkers have. Otherwise I will have a rage inside of me every time I hear them speak. So, I discovered I have a shit ton of patience because my entire mindset at work is a happy place, if not I wouldn't get through the day. It helps that my mind is an internal iPod. I know, however, that my patience runs really thin when it comes to people making ignorant and misinformed comments about homosexuals and homosexual issues. Also, when it comes to the environment and hispanics, poor people, and any liberal position I stand on. Which is almost everything. I have a sense of humor and I find humor in jokes about things like that, but sometime it's all I can do to keep myself quiet. Which is why I have this blog, because people get tired of my political and liberal rants. I was about to say I don't do that a lot, but it would be a huge ass lie. It all probably makes no sense but the time I type it out, because either I'm thinking as I type and I type like a n00b so my mind's words get ahead of me before hand. Also, I tend to think about every single possibility and my mind can't wrap itself around every situation that flickers through my mind. Which is why I suck at Leadership. I immediately conjur up every single situation that a certain leadership style would fail. I do it non-stop really. It gets annoying. Especially since my life's goal is to figure out what went wrong in Goforth's leadership style. I really hate it sometimes. I do it with everything except math. Because that would literally drive me insane. The basic concepts drive me mad by themselves. OFF TOPIC. I have no idea as to why anyone would ever even look at these blog posts. I mean seriously. My last blog post was named, Beautiful Girls and Maracas. I feel that should put anyone reading this, off. I guess, it's interesting to read ramblings from someone who has an overactive and underactive imagination. Because, seriously... beautiful girls in a festival in a maracas band. And it wasn't like a few of them. This was like a 20+ person thing. I mean. Seriously. It was legit. Enough of my crazy ramblings that I never bother to revise. In all honesty I don't even know how I started this blog post.