I decided to make this a post on my page so I wouldn't have an annoyingly long comment on your page. I mean every word on this comment/post and I hope it will help you :)
I have always had similar feelings to what you feel towards your friends. I always tell them something serious but I tack on something at the end to lighten the mood just to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal, and when they didn't believe that everything was okay I went out of my way to make them believe it was okay to a point where they don't want to push the matter anymore. I'm having trouble not doing it now actually. But this new year I realized what it was to be in a good place. It's an odd feeling I have to admit. My point in all of this? Just talk to them and stop yourself from saying anything to kill the serious mood. They will be more than willing to listen. Your good friends will listen to you and want to understand what you're going through and will help you. I learned this after an excruciatingly long time of pushing everyone away and not letting them help me.
As for your parents, you are a great person, granted I don't know you personally but one can just tell when they are near a good person, and you are. I used to convince myself I was to messed up to be a good person, therefore I didn't deserve to be happy, I hope you don't think such nonsense like I did. You do deserve to be happy, your friends will not do anything drastic if you reach out to them. There's no need to be scared of how they will react, because your real friend will love you no matter what and the rest aren't worth it.
Just talk to them with your head held up high, you are getting help, you are helping hundreds if not thousands of people via youtube, and tell them you need them. Your friends won't think of you as a burden and they may even feel better because they will know why you are always so down and they will be happy to know they can help, I know I would if my friends told me what was wrong rather then keeping it in.
You will feel so much better. It's jut one step, one extremely hard step but everything is much easier after that, well it'll feel better. Just take a deep breath in and exhale and tell them. Or you could do what I did. I had the urge to tell my friend something I've been keeping from him for years and I wrote and then I just said it with out thinking, it's something that I thought of for ages and I would have never had the nerve to do it if I thought about it, so I just blurted it out, out of the blue. He appreciated and now we are closer because of it.
You are a strong woman and you can do what ever you damn well please despite what your mind may tell you. You are smart and good person, you go for it and it'll all work itself out.
I believe in you 100% and if you can't do it, it's okay. Another day is another opportunity to do it. As long as you know you will do it one day whether it be today or in a month, it'll happen.
This has officially been the longest comment I've ever left anyone and I am so sorry for rambling on, I hope this helps you out in someway. Even though it is days late. :)
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