So here I am. Trying to decide whether or not I want to write this email to my future music composition teacher. I have been in a slump really when it comes to hearing music. After I supressed it, I have had a hard time hearing the music again.

Fro christmas I wanted August Rush because it is one of my all time fav. movies. So I watched it yesterday, and finished it today. I fucking love that movie, yeah it's so impossible but the music in that movie is amazing and it's nspirinng that this boy views music with that music love.

So half way through the movie last night I had to go to bed. Before I fell asleep I started thinking about why I liked music to make me want to do it with my life. And then I thought about it and I know why, and I know why I want to learn how to write it all down. And I thought of a great example!


You know when you're singing your favorite song and you just sing a certain set of lyrics and a certain voice of the song because you can only do one at a time, but in your head you're hearing the rest of the song go with you, but the only thing everyone else can hear is that certain voice and those certain lyrics. Or when you're beating your pencil against a table or desk along with a song in your head and someone looks at you funny because they aren't hearing that same song. Yeah, that's my head except I don't sing it or beat it. I can hear the entire song, every note, every voice and everything. But I can't let everyone else hear it. It's insanely frustrating. All I do is hear and hear being unable to share it. It's so infuriatingly frustrating.

It's like, WELL GOD IF YOU FUCKING EXIST WHY WOULD ALLOW ME TO HEAR THIS MUSIC AND BE UNABLE TO SHARE IT WITH THIS WORLD?!

It sucks. I hate it sometimes not being able to share it.

Where does it come from? I don't know, it starts out with a simple rhythm and a feeling, an emotion be it. Then I add another voice, sometimes all of them at once, with out my consent of course. And depending on what I heard I go either to bass or soprano voices, depending what I started with. I need to find a way to know what these notes instantly. I need perfect pitch because I hear the entire symphony all at fucking once. I need to learn how to write it down immediately.

Ugh, I'd write more but I'm a bit frustrated.