Concert days are never great for me. I'm not sure if it's because I'm nervous (which I don't feel ever) or because they just happen to fall on days where I'm just fed up with things.
They are just shit days for me. Two christmas concerts ago I made a huge cut on my arms right before I left the house, literally right before I walked out the door, because I was pissed and I just couldn't feel anything anymore.
This christmas concert I cut again, or maybe last christmas concert, for similar reason, no one cared.
In present day... I'm not sure you've ever felt this. But my heart, if the sad love emotion is strong enough, will ache. It will ache, a physical ache. It's dull but my heart is basically crying. I get an overwhelming feeling to cry, and sometimes, most times I do.
Today, my heart aches. I have just finished 'Katie and Emily's episode. And just the 'love' that you can perceive from the lovers is awesome. But it makes me really miss having someone to hold me or holding someone. I really don't feel love from anyone. It's a bit pathetic really.
I am submerged in a feeling of 'not good enough'. In my mind I try to convince myself that I will find someone someday, it's just been too long. I try not to think of romantic things ever. I avoid couples because I hate the love they have found. It makes me just want to go fuck the next person who passes by to try and make up for it. But I don't because I don't want to do that. It's just hard sometimes when your best friend (who you were once basically in love with) is in love with some chick, who I don't think is good enough for him, but he 'loves her'.
I actually fucking hate the word, I fucking hate it.
It doesn't help I'm writing this with an aching heart and tears just wanting to run down my face. But I must get ready for my concert which will begin in about 50 minutes, another day, another opportunity to fuck something up.
I hate it, life that is.
Don't hate their happiness!
ReplyDeleteI understand that you're very depressed right now, but bitterness just breeds more bitterness! Be happy in their happiness! Make their joy your own! Happiness enjoys company as much as Misery does :)
And don't do the whole "have sex to feel better" thing. It has a habit of making you feel like shit later on >_<;;
But, yes. Try to do things that you know will cheer you up! That might help you feel a bit better. And don't worry too much about having someone to love. They'll come by.
I mean a bisexual mexican chick who's in love with music?? There's no way you'll be single for long! ;D