Odd

Okay. Today's topic is something weird for me.

My mind is an odd thing really. I tend to not want to be weak, it's the last thing I want. I never cry in front of people, I don't even want to talk to people when I have just cried because that's just a sign of my personal weakness. Now on the other hand I do not mind if someone cries in front of me, I see it as a sign of strength to be able to cry in front of people.

Weakness is not a strong suit of mine, I don't want people to know I'm mortal, because somehow that would just mean I'm inferior and no one will like me. Wow, even that was hard to write. Ah, I'm an idiot.

Anyways, my point for this post, other than the fact I hate saying anything that would compromise my hard facade, I have a hard time saying several things.

The one thing that has probably never been uttered by me is, "I need you."

And now I am here to announce to the world, that I fucking need someone.

I am in fact so lonely. Sure, I have a great best friend and such and I could talk to him forever, but I need others. It's unbelievable how worthless I can feel sometimes. I have a couple of great friends, but I don't have a crowd.

I realize I have tried to isolate myself for several reasons, but now I only have acquantices. I don't even want to try and rekindle a friendship with my old friends because it's not worth it I know how that will end up. I need a change but, I want someone now. That sounds insanely selfish, but jesus man, I have not had a significant other in fucking years. I don't think it's the fact Valentine's Day is coming on but the fact that my senior year is coming to the end and it seems so lame.

At times it's just like fuck it, I'll take him up on his offer and I'll sneak out and go party it up and do some stupid things with strangers. It's wrong, but shit it seems like some fun from my boring ass life.

I have one awesome friend and a league of accquantices.

I have no significant other.

I don't even know who I am.

What the hell do I want to do when I'm older?

I just want to get fucking wasted to try and feel something.

I'm mediocre at everything I do.

There are days I just want to lay there and wither away.



I want a significant other, I want more friends, I want to know what my life has to offer, I want to go have fun, I want to know who I am.


Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not really selfish or anything along those lines, but I am fed up with how my life is heading and I just hope that college will have something to offer me.