So beginning with yesterday. I was so tired it was ridiculous. I couldn't stand it. I had some fun with some friends for like 20 minutes near the mini (I mean, not even a foot wide) creek that goes through the college (they were observing things before I got there) and we talked and hung out and laughed, good times. So I went to the stupid Tue. UBMS thing that I have to go to every week. So I wasted 2 hours there, but it was with Hydrogen, so it was fun, then she left and me and Sodium and we talked about what she wanted to do with her life, and I told her I supported her 100% and I will donate to all her ideas (starting with www.parttimeforpoverty.wordpress.com ) I'm starting with that, it's awesome. She hasn't posted what it is yet, because she hasn't made it an actual non-profit organization yet, but I support her. And I become wealthy, I'm first going to provide a small house somewhere for me, maybe a two story, if not a 3 or 4 bedroom House (Okay, so a medium house) and buy the few things I really want/need, then I'm going to buy a mansion (yes, a HUGE one) and I'm going to make it a foster adoption agency thing. I mean, they deserve to have things to. I will renovate it and everything. I will provide for the upkeeping and have some great people work there. And the rest I shall give to different charaties, along with Sodium's (she wants to combine the Children's Museum, Six Flag, and the Zoo, all in one and design everything her self, or at least contribute for the most part.) idea, which I support. Yeah, I'm going to be a philantropist. I can't help it. I don't need money to stay happy, but if it makes other people happy, I will give my money away to different things to help make hundreds of thousands of people happy. I really don't money corrupts people, so I will not give hand outs, but allow people the opportunity to help themselves.
Okay, so after that I had a half a cup of extra strong coffee and (which I downed in like 2 minutes as I bought) a hot chocolate. Because I was that kind of tired where you can just fall down and die. It energized me! For an hour. And then I crashed. Which is when I opened this window up.
So I crawled into bed while texting Technetium. And I continued texting her, because I wasn't planning to fall asleep. So I decided now was as best a time as ever. Because I was very happy yesterday, and I was feeling strong and confident. to text Thorium, because it was half my fault, so according to my Leadersip manual and the section where it teaches you how to apologize, it says that you should be sincere and only promise things you will change, and that just because you apologize doesn't mean they will. And that I shouldn't expect that of them. So keeping that (and a lot of other things in mind) I apologized, I sent something along the lines of "I'm sorry. I know I was a shit friend, and I just need you to know I'm sorry." So I sent it, scared shitless, I sent it after I made sure it was perfect (because it was longer originally) I texted Technetium some more and I fell asleep after a while. I was woken up by my mother because I had homework, so she complained and I didn't move but I shooed her away, I looked at my phone and I had gotten another text from Technetium I replied (I think) and fell asleep again. This time I lied to my mother when she woke me up and I told her I finished my homework and she let me be. I turned off everything and I looked at my phone. Thorium had replied. And I was so scared to look at it. It said something along the lines of "My god I missed you. I have to ask you something. What is it that I did that messed what we had up?" Okay, so that's exact because I couldn't remember exactly what he sent. But I was shocked, but I fell asleep. I pretty much dreamed every single scenario that could happen
I woke up thinking how pissed off I would be if it were all a dream. I found my phone, and it turns out I never closed off that message. So I was greeted by that message, but I couldn't figure out what to reply. I was honestly scared. No, that's not the word, I was PETRIFIED at the fact that I was talking to him. So I talked to him in the morning, I actually AVOIDED him in the morning I went to class and avoided the band hall, and I was panicking. I stalled SO LONG to go to Music Theory because I knew I had to see him. So I went and I spoke to Unununium about it as I walked her to class. I SAW MR. SEXY!!!! And yeah, he is sexy. He has that face that with one look can make you melt. Ah... Mr. Sexy...
Okay, but after the going gaga for Mr. Sexy, I went back to panicking I went in right before class started so I we couldn't talk. He wrote me something on our boards, and it broke the ice. And we talked a bit going to class. He told me to look him the eye while he talked! Because he could tell I was avoiding it. It was awkward! I'm sorry! It took every bit of my will power to stop trying to see him during my several classes with him. I've tried so hard. I don't know if he realizes it. But I'm not going to tell him. If he asks I might, but I'm not going to tell him I've been a wreck after our friendship fell through, and that I just barely began to get over it. And that it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, including stopping cutting. It's not because I'm afraid of seeming weak, but I'm afraid of seeming too attached.
I really did miss him. But I have several other friends that I can confide in. So I think if this does happen again, I won't be so broken.
So, I really wanted to go to Lithium's house with her today. She was really broken up today. I wanted to be there for her, but I didn't know if my fathers truck was fixed yet. So I couldn't I was furious.
Rawr, I have to start my Junior Theme Project XP
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