Oh! Darling

So I was going to put this on private but I changed my mind. I'm not going to change what I write in here, who I write about, or sugar coat the truth just because I know who's reading this.

So everything is still the same. From the last post. Except what made me want to delete this blog.

Okay, so you guys know I've been writing in this blog for ever now. And I haven't lied about anything and I've given my point of view to everything.

Now imagine how I felt when I found out Thorium had been reading my blog for the past two to three weeks, and Technetium gave him the link to this. And imagine how angry I was when I found him asking me questions (before he told me) that felt like reading comprehension quiz. Because they were things that one would easily know from reading this, so basically he was grading my honesty. And now last but not least how pissed off do you think I was when I was the one who sent him a message apologizing, for something that was bad but it was not completely my fault and getting no apology back (not that I was expecting him to have changed at all), out of the blue scared out of my mind because I didn't know how he would react. Do you know how terrified I was? But I have to learn how to be comfortable when I'm uncomfortable. And he read my entire blog and he knew EXACTLY how I fucking felt, and yet there was NO contact from him 3 FUCKING WEEKS PEOPLE! I just don't understand. I mean, if he really wanted to, he could have just sent me what he felt. My message was 2 sentences long. I understand that he was scared, but how does he think I felt?

So yeah, I was angry and I went Gamma Bros and GTA San Andreas crazy. I killed a lot.

So I know this friendship between me and Thorium is new and all, and is meant to be awkward. But he doesn't understand how I've changed. He still expects me to become easily angered and that I'm trying to fight him at every point, honestly even when we fought before I wasn't even saying fighting words, or even hinting at me wanting to fight. He is just as responsible as I am for our fights.

Thorium told me that he felt attacked and that I was proposing unrealistic situations. I really don't see how he could feel like that, oh! And that he was trying to calm me down so we could stop fighting. Um. If I do recall, it was him doing all the attacking. I'm pretty sure I even told him I was having a shit day. If he's read this he should know I found out my best friend from long ago that I knew had bulimia and I felt helpless that I couldn't find a way for her to see that she is beautiful just as she is/was, was in the hospital because of her disease, and I didn't know how she was, and I was just so emotionally dead and that he was already not catching me in a good mood. I do remember him telling me about his dream getting mad that I didn't offer to translate his dream (which I couldn't do either way) and then I was short with him during my Physics tutorials (which really put me in a bad mood, because he was making it way more complicated that necessary, the teacher) and then he was just beginning to start fights. He asked me to fix his tone or something through text, and I told him, it's not possible through the phone. Apparently he believed that there's only one way to play the flute correctly. There isn't and I'm a mind reader and can tell exactly whats wring with him, then he just started arguing with me as I tried to not fuel his fire. Now, MAYBE he 'tried' to stop the argument at the end of his message after he gave his side of the argument, and expected me not to get angry after a while.

I mean Lithium read the messages, she agreed with me, so idk who's right.

But anyways, I have changed. I'm an open person. I don't plan to hide what I feel about anything anymore. I know how to control my emotions today, like when I have to strongest urge to grab something and smash it against the wall a million times to get my anger out. I have a different personality and it kind of annoys me that people that I talk to often don't understand that. I don't argue, and especially the fact that I AM ABLE TO SEE BOTH SIDES. I'm not close minded, I see the reasoning of both/ more people's side of an argument or why people do things. I don't think people remember, I wanted to be a psychologist, not necessarily because I liked listening to people's problems, but because I can read people, and I can see things other people just pass by. So if I were you, my oh so dear friends, I would trust me.

That's almost like the whole "Are you okay?" Thing. It gets annoying.

Oh and yes, I am mad a Technetium. But not very. She is more of a victim. She was stuck in between, me the now understanding one, and the one that would persecute her worse than Hilter did the Jews. So I am only slightly angry at her.

Oh, what made me angry at Thorium after I began to calm down, was that I told him I wouldn't be able to see Technetium for a while. And he automatically assumed it was because I was tired of her telling me about her and Yt, I mean, she rarely speaks about that to me, so if you do the psychology (common sense) on that, he is sick of it. I am pretty sure he hasn't changed. That should bother me more, but I don't know the friendship is still new.

And it's not like he has a blog that could do all the work for me. I really hate that he is using this as his cliff notes, instead of reading the real book.

Now, school was boring. I was dead tired all day, but I got through it. Tomorrow and Saturday are going to be a bitch. Junior Theme Project and the Relay for Life Cancer thing. I have a Leadership party thing tomorrow too, so just kill me now.

AH! I'm taking the U.S. History AP exam! This sucks! I have no idea what to schedule now. This sucks.

Rawr, okay. So, that's it.

Oh I love House XDDD