rawrrrrrrrrrrr

I tried telling him once. I remember we were walking and we were horseplaying and he slammed me against the lockers (no this was not unusual) with my fat ass backpack on. And he pinned me there, and he just looked at me and I was incredibly close to him because of my back pack, because I'm pretty sure that wasn't his initial plan, we were in the middle of a game of 'I'm going to win' so I was in the process of trying to win but just the feeling that encased me was crazy. It was like you could feel the chemistry. And after maybe 3 to 5 second (which felt like hours) I pushed him away. And he took it as a win, I honestly didn't care anymore, we went to class after that, and after much speculation I decided to take my chances and tell him what it felt like, because later that day we were discussing the game, and he used the whole well it took you long enough to oush me off. So a week after that conversation, I told him that I thought I knew the answer to his question. And I told him, it's because it didn't feel wrong. Like okay, you know you feel really awkward being that close to several people, because we were crazy close (stupid backpack) and he said he knew what I meant, but I chickened out and I said something else. Idk. I was just thinking about it. No, I'm not going to hint or even say who 'he' is. It's just something I needed to get out of my mind.

So I'm super tired, so I'll make this short.

I was very happy today, but I got very anxious and fidgety after 4th period before munch, thanks to my hyped up friend sitting next to me, she made me anxious and the rest of the day I went crazy. I did decent on my physics test, I am failing English badly. I am still sad when I think or see Thorium (even when I was in a hyped mood) I really am trying, and I've improved, but 17 years old and I want to make a new chapter in my life. It's not my fault that he was a really great friend and I really don't want to give up on that option. It went away a long time ago, but one can hope.

That's my day in a nutshell!