Loretta Young Silks

“ sometimes i wish people would know me a little better. school gets lonely.”

WHAT THE FUCK MAN!!! I’m trying my hardest to forget him, but damn. What the hell. Thorium wrote that as a status update on his facebook. Wtf? What am I supposed to think? At least he said lonely, but loneliness and happiness don’t exactly go hand in hand. Ugh… I hate school.

Oh today, I was at lunch right? So I’m in line with my back against the wall, and guess who I see? Of course, Thorium, and I turn another way immediately before I even start thinking anything OTHER than shit, I see Actinium. Someone whom I also don’t want to see considering he won’t stop begging and texting, even though I’ve ignored him since a week or two after me and Thorium fell through. I even said it aloud, “I swear! I can’t look anywhere anymore!” My friend asked what I meant but the conversation took a turn and began immediately after the question.

I was pissed off though, because after I walk out of the line, I see my table immediately and I see my friend whom I always sit next to, with a gap on both her side, one between her and Thorium and the other with Ca on the other side. So I go for the other side of Ca, but when I get near, I see the seat is saved and I said shit. I was angry and I tried to scoot as far away from Thorium as possible so I wouldn’t have to see him through my peripheral vision. But then my AWESOME friend Yt decided she want to sit next to Ca, so she squeezes in making ME not the Dysprosium (on Ca’s other side) scoot over to be closer to Thorium. I almost stormed off. I was beyond angry, and I wasn’t even HUNGRY. I wanted to shoot someone. FIRST I make a stupid mark days after we fell out because I was full of hatred towards him. Then I decide being angry at him is better than any other emotion, then I get all full of fucking emotions and am really sad and depressed about the go damned situation, and of course being the AWESOME, GREAT friends they’ve noticed and taken EVERY precaution to keep me away from him. I swear they can give less than a shit about me. Granted I have abused our relationship when I was besfriends with Thorium, but I still talked to them and THEY were the MAIN reason me and Thorium had a fall out. But I still cared for them and I still tried. But they haven’t even ATTEMPTED to keep a decent conversation with me about life.

I love them to death but they all SUCK, except Technetium. At least she’s talking to me and asking me how I am and prodding, while they won’t even TOUCH the matter. I mean, ugh I’d rather have 10 shitty Thorium relationships then them sometimes. Br is my talking friend, we always talk at school. But outside of that, almost never. We’ll never be close friends, and I’m okay with that, she’s pretty bitchy, but was my first friend I made from my group now, in 6^th grade.

My only sanity is this now probably, and Technetium.

This is getting really hard to ignore him, he left the table. There were 7 people in the table originally, but then, Dysprosium left to the band hall, Yt decided she wanted to go, and this other girl (I’ll most likely never mention her again, because I generally don’t like her, I tolerate her crap, but I am not her friend) her friend, decided she wanted to go to the band hall too, and Ca always follows Yt like a cat (hence his name) so those three left. Leaving me Br and Thorium at the table. Thorium never talks at lunch (which is no problem with me, but it is a problem and I hate it, but none of our friends like to tolerate him) it really bothers me that he won’t talk to them, or they won’t listen when he does talk. It’s a 2 way road but oh well. I was really aggravated, but Br stuck with me until the end. I swear. I was angry and sad and BLAH! But in physics I passed my test XD heck yeah! And I actually understand our new topic (magnetic forces)

Oh! Me and Hydrogen had a LONG talk yesterday! We got out of English tutorials and we walked to her locker and we talked as I never allowed her to open her locker, we sat and talked for about an hour, maybe longer, the time just flew away. I even skipped the first half of sectionals for that, but Martinez loves me, so yeah, she accepted my lame excuse. It was like old times. And her boyfriend only came up once. I want her to come out of seclusion and enjoy what she used to do. I hope she does, I’ll coax her. I have my ways ;P

That’s about it today.

I swear the people I never considered my friends, are my good friends.

… so… I wrote this message… I don’t know if I’ll send it… it’s a letter type thing to Thorium… telling him everything… about how I miss him and how I hated him… I don’t know if I’ll ever send it… but it’s there…

Oh! I am majorly crushing on Holmium!!! XD He’s not helping the situation either! SO XP